Waiting for my Elvis memorabilia...
Tweets of the week
Slaw, slaw, quiche quiche, slaw.
— Sarah Dempster (@Dempster2000) May 5, 2023
- Lionel Blair at a buffet
Saw a poignant documentary about a man faking telekinesis yesterday. Moving stuff, really touching.
— Moose Allain (@MooseAllain) May 6, 2023
I love looking at things through a magnifying glass to see what they’re made of, for example not many people know this but ants are actually made of fire.
— Gary Delaney is on tour now (@GaryDelaney) May 11, 2023
"My arm hurts, doctor"
— Craig Deeley (@craiguito) May 11, 2023
"How painful is it from 1 to 10"
"It’s painful all day"
I'm waiting for some Elvis memorabilia to be delivered, but it's been held up in the depot. In the depoooooot.
— Paul Eggleston (@pauleggleston) May 8, 2023
Most people write congrats because they don't know the spelling of congrajulashions…
— mariana Z (@mariana057) May 8, 2023
I've never done a Wordle. I just thought you were all being shit at Tetris.
— Andy White - Comedian (He/Him) (@AndyJWhite) May 9, 2023
Bringing your dad both screwdrivers because you don’t know what he’s talking about. pic.twitter.com/rYHmybvv7j
— Noah Garfinkel (@NoahGarfinkel) May 7, 2023
Live comedy picks
Sponsored
Student Comedy Award semi-final
Bloomsbury Theatre
Thursday 2 May from 19:30Book now
Gig of the day
Punt And Dennis: We Are Not A Robot
Milton Keynes Stables
from 20:00
Book Now
Jimmy Carr: Laughs Funny
Folkestone Leas Club
Wednesday 1st May from 21:30Book now
Coming Soon
Daniel Foxx: Villain
Southampton The Attic
Friday 3rd May from 19:30 - 22:30
Book Now
Richard Herring: Can I Have My Ball Back?
St Albans Alban Arena
Thursday 9th May from 19:00Book now
Book Now
Red Richardson: Bugatti Live
Sheffield Theatre Deli
Friday 18th Oct from 20:00Book now