Edinburgh Fringe comedians answer

Every day until the end of the Fringe, we're asking one of Richard Herring's Emergency Questions from the RHLSTP podcast to comedians. Here's today's batch of insights...

Once stood next to Colin Firth having a wee at a urinal. He was quite the thorough shaker. We can only assume at the length. Griffin and Jones whose show Griffin and Jones: Idiot Magicians  is on at The Voodoo Rooms at 6:15pm

I swam a few times next to Julian Barratt. He’s a huge inspiration to me. I’ve never seen his comedy, but his breaststroke is beautiful.  Luke Rollason whose show Bowerbird is on at Monkey Barrel at 12:30pm

I sat in a traffic jam car to car with the Queen once. I waved at her, she smiled back. Phillip gave a wave. I think he was trying to alleviate the awkwardness. Then we just sat there for a few minutes till the obstruction cleared. Garrett Millerick whose show Just Trying to Help  is on at Monkey Barrel at 11:25pm

Sly Stallone, getting takeout from a restaurant I was working at and asking his name for the order. Without missing a beat he said Sly. Melissa Stephens whose show Hot Dogs & Tears is on at Assembly Rooms at 7:40pm

I once told Fatboy Slim where the toilets were in a fisherman's club. Sean McLoughlin whose show So Be It is on at Pleasance Courtyard at 7:55pm

Years ago I did a gig with Johnny Vegas and he was nice. Then a few years later I just saw him standing outside a big Tesco, but I didn't think he'd remember me so I just walked past him without saying anything. Although if he did remember me he'll have wondered what I blanked him for.   Tom Little whose show Tom Little Has Good Reviews So Prepare to Be Impressed is on at Subway at 3:45pm

I sold Gabriel Byrne some milk.  Anna Clifford  whose show I See Dead(ly) People is on at Gilden Balloon  at 9:00pm

We’ve had a few… Steph once helped John Lithgow pick out a lipstick at a RiteAid in Midtown Manhattan. Justin once told Philip Seymour Hoffman that he had to poo. Steph, not realizing who she was talking to, once told Arthur Miller that she was pretty sure Arthur Miller was dead. Unrelated, he did die shortly after that.  The Fremonts (Stephanie Dodd and Justin Badger)  whose show The Failure Cabaret is on at Underbelly Cowgate at 9:05pm

I served Kathy Bates linguine and clams once.  Jake Cornell whose show Man & Woman is on at Assembly at 6:15pm

This is, as with most things, my fault. I met Rob Delaney for coffee, which was my second time meeting him. I was hoping he'd forgotten the first time we'd met at a comedy club, where I had a fangirling meltdown and gushed about being glad that I'd stayed after the show to pee because the timing of it meant I could meet him, told him I loved him, and it was all very unchill and mortifying. So this time at coffee I tried to play it cool, but I was still having a fangirling meltdown in my head so I decided that I couldn't be trusted to speak and the best tactic would be not to say anything. So we just sat at a table outside of Costa in silence until he started making observations about the walls of the building we were facing. I hope he's forgotten that too.   Dalia Malek whose show Another Castle is on at Just the Tonic at 3:15pm

I scraped the food off of Joan Collins plate at a wedding (I was a waitress ) Hatty Ashdown whose show The Worry Drawer  is on at Voodoo Rooms  at 2:00pm

On my very first shift in Boots when I was 18 I served Greg Davies. I spotted his head bobbing above the top of the shelves as he towered above the tampons and toiletries. He is still the only celebrity I have asked 'do you have a Boots card?' Lauren Pattison whose show It Is What It Is is on at Monkey Barrel at 12:30pm

Sinead met Ken Barlow in the woods.  Norris & Parker whose show Sirens is on at Monkey Barrel at 9:15pm

I've seen our Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern at the local supermarket several times - she even said hi back! Eli Matthewson whose show Daddy Short-Legs is on at Underbelly George Square at 8:50pm

Kathy once did a 5 minute set in the basement of a pub to an audience of ten. Nine of those 10 were NOT Helena Bonham Carter.  Kathy Maniura & Derek Mitchell  whose show Horseplay: Bareback is on at Underbelly at 10:30pm

Once opened Arsene Wenger's car door for him. ‘This way, Mr Wenger,’ I said. He sort of blanked me and wandered off. Nice guy.Joz Norris whose show Blink is on at Pleasance Dome at 8:20pm

I ate a lot of hash browns with Desmond and Leah Tutu at a cruise ship breakfast buffet. Abby Wambaugh whose show Abby Wambaugh and Bronwyn Sweeney is on at The Stand at 1:19pm

My husband sold a door to someone who was in Casualty once. Lucy Frederick whose show Lucy Frederick's Big Fat Wedding is on at Gilded Balloon Patterhoose at 3:40pm

Jeremy served Joe Biden at the restaurant he worked at. He ordered the soup. Cory Peter Lane, Jeremy Elder and Hunter Saling whose show Business Casual: Feral is on at Gilded Balloon at 8:20pm

I will go to my deathbed saying I passed Ralph Lauren in the Malaga airport on holiday in 2000. My family disagrees but this is the hill I’m willing to die on! Ellie MacPherson whose show Happy Birthday, Mr. President! is on at Underbelly Cowgate at 9:30pm

I walked into Gianni from Eastenders' torso in Burger King. I went flying. My burger went everywhere. He was unmoved. We just didn't see each other - he because he is so tall, me because I am just so small. I just turned around with my food and went straight into his belly. Knocked me out. No one laughed though. Wtf? Katie Pritchard whose show Disco Ball is on at Pleasance Courtyard at 6:05pm

I vomited in front of Orlando Bloom once. We both pretended it wasn't happening.  Lily Phillips whose show Smut is on at Pleasance Courtyard  at 7:25pm

I slapped Chris Rock once in the Oscars. Ori Halevy whose show Darkest thoughts is on at Brass Monkey at 4:00pm

I saw William Shatner order Chinese food once and I kept telling people ‘I saw William Shatner order Chinese food!’ before realising it’s not a very good story at all.  Marcia Belsky whose show Man & Woman is on at Assembly at 6:15pm

I once saw Peter Serafinowicz on the street, holding a newspaper.  Cerys Bradley whose show Sportsperson is on at Gilded Balloon at 4:40pm

I once hit Marcus Brigstocke in the face while dressed as a squirrel. In my defence, I was flyering for a student Edinburgh Fringe show at the time. The large fluffy tail of my costume caught him right on the nose. He did not take one of my flyers, and I don’t blame him.  Ailis Duff whose show Notflix: Binge is on at Gilded Balloon at 5:00pm

Benedict Cumberbatch asked us what a manatee is.  Brian McElhaney whose show BriTANicK is on at Assembly at 7:45pm

I once brushed some chalk dust off Tom Hollander's jacket for him. We were both backstage, about to go on to different stages to do different shows. I noticed, and I didn't want him to be upstaged by chalk dust. Also, I met the queen once and had no idea what to say so I just said 'hello' and she simply said 'hello' back. It was like meeting coinage.  Adam Meggido whose show Starship Improvise is on at Pleasance King Dome at 3:00pm

I met Sean Bean and all he wanted to talk about was the fact he’d paid £6 for a bowl of chips in a hotel the night before. Fuming. Said there was only 14 in there. Disgusted. Guy’s got an estimated net worth of 20 million and he’s counting his chips. Also 14 seems fine to me, but he’s a man of the people and I guess I’m just an out-of-touch fringe comedian. Ciarán Dowd whose show King Rodolfo is on at Pleasance Courtyard at 9:00pm

As a child, I accidentally walked in on Grotbags in her underwear in a dressing room (she wasn't green all over).  David Ephgrave whose show Good Grief - Edinburgh Fringe 2022 at Chortle.co.uk">David Ephgrave: Good Grief is on at Just the Tonic at the Caves at 2:40pm

I met Cobra off of 90's TV show Gladiators. It was definitely him, because he had a t shirt with his face on it. I politely asked "Are you Cobra?" and he didn't even look at me and said "Nah".  Brennan Reece whose show Crowded is on at Pleasance Courtyard at 8:20pm

I met Bruce Robinson in Covent Garden. Big fan as he wrote ‘Withnail and I’. His wife saw that I was flyering for a restaurant and said "oh you’re not one of these awful people giving out flyers are you?" and while she was asking that Bruce yawned and looked away. Mundane and totally awful from all angles. Still love the film though, which shows how good it is.  Tom Ward whose show Anthem is on at Monkey Barrel at 10:25pm

Published: 16 Aug 2022