Has he now got Blurred vision?

Bob Mortimer has accused Blur frontman Damon Albarn of stealing his prized spectacles, calling the theft ‘traumatic’.

He made the claim on The Romesh Ranganathan Show, in response to a question from the host’s mother, Shanthi, for any story he’d withheld from Would I Lie To You?

And, while his account shares the sort of twists familiar from his shaggy-dog stories on the BBC panel show, he appears genuinely aggrieved.

‘I was once having a Shepherd’s pie in The Ivy restaurant, down the road, with the lads from Blur,’ he began. ‘And I had the best pair of spectacles. They took a lot of finding, Rom. Real ’60s, New York, big, thick glasses that I was so fond of. And I thought I would never have to buy another pair of glasses, these are incredible.

‘Damon Albarn tried them on, went to the toilet, realised he now looks incredible and stole them from me. He kept them on and I didn’t have the balls to say… well, before I’d had the balls to say "could I have the glasses back?’, he’d left with my glasses. Yeah, the trauma.’

And he hasn’t spoken to Albarn since. ‘The next time I saw him I didn’t speak to him. Just cold shouldered, I sat like that’ he demonstrated, curling up and hunching round to the left in his chair… All because of the glasses.’

Confirming that he’d never confronted Albarn about the pilfering, Mortimer added: ‘No, it hurt at the time, it hurts a bit now telling the story’.

Rhapsodising further about the eyewear, he said: ’There’s only one of these. They’re like the golden nugget, the golden ticket. They’re somewhere in the world, waiting to be discovered by another fat-headed bloke.’

He added that he once saw Albarn wearing the glasses in a press photo – then mimed ripping a paper to shreds in fury. 

But he maintains that he prefers Blur to Oasis. ‘I actually think that his music’s terrific.’

Still, he hasn’t recovered from the loss. ’It’s like walking around with a corn cob up my arse, always there. Do you know what I mean?’

Mortimer was on the podcast to promote his latest novel, Michael

- by Jay Richardson

Published: 9 Nov 2026