What does a chicken running the marathon wear?

Tweets of the week

The fact that they didn’t call it the Captain Tommonwealth Games is, quite frankly, a slap in the face to a British hero
— Matthew Fellows (@fattmellows) July 28, 2022

A chicken running a marathon wears Ree-bokbokboks
— inkedupandsonic (@sonictyrant) July 27, 2022

Why did the call it 'Dissolution of the monasteries' when 'Cloisterfuck' was right there
— Laura Amalasunta Gazzoli (@LauraAmalasunta) July 25, 2022

I've often wondered whether baby deer are left or right handed. Turns out they're bambidextrous.
— GlennyRodge (@GlennyRodge) July 26, 2022

My kids wanted to go to the Harry Potter Experience so I locked them in the cupboard under the stairs.
— Olaf Falafel (@OFalafel) July 24, 2022

Just now walking down the street eating a banana, I spotted a woman at a bus stop, also eating a banana. To her horror & mine, I was physically unable to stop myself raising my banana to her in a sort of banana toast. She looked v confused then, adorably, bobbed her banana back.
— Ingrid Oliver (@ingridoliver100) July 21, 2022

I find my head very compelling. I can't take my eyes off it
— Sanjeev Kohli (@govindajeggy) July 26, 2022

I’ve started going to a swingers club in a library but i can tell you about it as it’s all very hush hush.
— Gary Delaney is on tour now (@GaryDelaney) July 28, 2022