Britain's best dad jokes | At least according to greetings card firm Thortful © Ketut Subiyanto/Pexels

Britain's best dad jokes

At least according to greetings card firm Thortful

comedyGreetings card firm Thortful has released a rundown of dad jokes to coincide with Father's Day on June 5.

They were ranked following a survey, but who cares about that? It’s all about the puns. So here goes, the top dad jokes are:

  • What do you call it when James Bond takes a bath? Bubble 07.
  • Which days are the strongest? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
  • I only seem to get sick on weekdays. I must have a weekend immune system.
  • How do cows stay up to date? They read the Moo-spaper.
  • I hate my job—all I do is crush cans all day. It’s soda pressing.
  • Why can't a leopard hide? He's always spotted.
  • Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just wanted a bit more space
  • Why did the orange lose the race? It ran out of juice
  • Did you hear the rumour about butter? Well, I'm not going to go spreading it
  • Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he Neverlands
  • Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired
  • How do astronomers organise a party? They planet
  • Why did the man fall down the well? Because he couldn’t see that well
  • I hated facial hair but then it grew on me
  • I was just reminiscing about the beautiful herb garden I had when I was growing up. Good thymes.
  • Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere!
  • Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
  • What did the policeman say to his bellybutton? You’re under a vest.
  • Why do people say "break a leg" when you go on stage? Because every play has a cast.
  • What kind of ghost has the best hearing? The eeriest.

Published: 24 May 2022

What do you think?

Live comedy picks

We see you are using AdBlocker software. Chortle relies on advertisers to fund this website so it’s free for you, so we would ask that you disable it for this site. Our ads are non-intrusive and relevant. Help keep Chortle viable.