© Diego Torres/Pixabay Is the grass always greener?
Tweets of the week
Tweets of the week
"That’ll be £9.83 please"
— Jason (@NickMotown) November 23, 2020
"Hang on, mate - I've got a shitload of coupons here. These six are for 50p off the loaves, and one's half price on the fish"
Christ the Redeemer.
People say the grass is always greener on the other side but I turned mine over and it was just brown with worms in it.
— Gary Delaney is on tour now (@GaryDelaney) May 5, 2022
Wedding parties should have a worst man too. Like here's my best man, Scott, my brother Mike, my friends Richie and Dave Cactus, and then Derek who I assume is going to get wasted and fight the cake.
— He Called Me Greenhorn (@WhatsAGreenhorn) May 5, 2022
To errrrr is human. To moo is bovine
— Sanjeev Kohli (@govindajeggy) May 3, 2022
A Short Poem for #StarWarsDay
— Brian Bilston (@brian_bilston) May 4, 2022
Her name was Yoda,
A showgirl she was.
coroner: it's natural, just air escaping the body
— cap’n watsisname (@capnwatsisname) May 5, 2022
my wife: could we remove the kazoo
might open a mattress shop when i retire because ....... it's important to have something to fall back on
— joe (@mutablejoe) May 5, 2022
NFTs are just decorative plates for nerds
— Village Person (@SvnSxty) May 4, 2022
I never ever text anyone about my aunt. When will predictive text understand this?
— Jayne Sharp (@Jaynesharp) May 6, 2022
If I want less greasy hair I use Wella shampoo - if I want more grease I use Wella wella wella huh.
— Olaf Falafel (@OFalafel) May 4, 2022
Published: 6 May 2022
