Tweets of the week

Tweets of the week

Could I do an impression of a flamingo being arrested? Easy, I could do it standing on one leg with my hands tied behind my back.

— Jake Lambert (@LittleLostLad) September 8, 2021

I lost my job at the hospital for stealing a neck brace but at least I can still hold my head up high.

— Gary Delaney is on tour now (@GaryDelaney) September 9, 2021

🎶She call me Mr. Boombastic
Say me fantastic,
Touch me in me back
She says I'm Mr. Ro...mantic
Call me fantastic,
Touch me in me back
She says I'm Mr. Ro...🎶

Barista: yeah, I’m not writing that.

— GlennyRodge (@GlennyRodge) September 7, 2021

On your first day in prison, go up to the toughest guy there and threaten to start a podcast with him.

— Michael (@Home_Halfway) September 9, 2021

Typos make me sic.

— Olaf Falafel (@OFalafel) September 7, 2021

Just watching the episode of MasterChef in which the chefs face their toughest challenge yet.

— T'Other Simon (@TOther_Simon) September 6, 2021

Grammar pedants bore me shitfewer.

— Jason (@NickMotown) September 10, 2021

Everyone's a critic. pic.twitter.com/Vfg2Xkm01t

— David Quantick (@quantick) September 5, 2021

Published: 10 Sep 2021