Not as big as Sid's...

The week's comedy trivia

  • Star-struck Sarah Silverman hosting the MTV Awards this week: ‘Oh my God, this is weird. Jack Nicolson. I'm not kidding. You have literally been in every single one of my favourite actresses.’

  • Grease Is The Word contestant Michelle Antrobus says she’s got a celebrity stalker after David Walliams texted her with compliments. ‘I thought it was a joke but then I found out it was him,’ she said. ‘I haven’t texted back because I’m a bit shy — and I have a boyfriend I’m in love with.’ And on the same subject, at the birthday party for Matt Lucas’ partner last week, Walliams apparently got his knob out to show Barbara Windsor. According to Popbitch, the item was ‘quite impressive’, although Babs was later heard saying something about not being as big as Sid James...

  • While they were plasterers, Paul Whitehouse and Charlie Higson did some work on the house Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie shared.

  • Sandi Toksvig is very good at embroidery and carpentry. 'I can build a bench and then embroider a cushion for it,' she boasts.

  • What do you do when you meet your heroes? When stand-up John Bishop was called to do a mysterious corporate gig for just two dozen audience members, he was naturally wary. Then, when he got there, it turned out to be the England football squad. Though star-struck, he probably didn’t choose the best ice-breaker: ‘I’ve wanked over most of your girlfriends…’

  • Virgin Radio says it wants to find the next ‘Billy Connelly’ in its new stand-up competition. Or maybe even someone famous enough to have their name spelled right.

  • Graham Norton says: ‘The people I do sleep with are better looking than the people I slept with prior to becoming famous, but I think it’s to do with being rich as well. It would be depressing if it was the other way round. In the end, it is part of who I am: I am someone off the telly and I have money. It’s not just personality and looks, ever. It’s unlikely you’d date a funny and beautiful man who lived in a cardboard box and smelt of piss.’

  • Dave Gorman has fractured the big toe on his right foot.

SOURCES:MTV, The Sun/Popbitch, QI, The Independent, John Bishop speaking at the Kilkenny Cat Laughs Comedy Festival, Virgin Radio, Heat, DaveGorman.com

Published: 8 Jun 2007

Today's comedy-on demand picks

REMOTE COMEDY FROM THE PADDOCK

It's the sort of content comedians have been pumping out from their spare rooms since lockdown began, now being given a wider audience (and hopefully some £££s) thanks to E4, which commissioned this compilation series.

Four episodes will air online at 9pm Tuesday nights, starting with this one, which features Stath Lets Flats star Jamie Demetriou, Lolly Adefope, Rosie Jones, and Australian award-winner Sam Campbell

Click for more suggestions

... including a new, free stand-up special from Funmbi Omotayo plus Standing Up For Sunny, an indie romcom about a loner with cerebral palsy who is roped into helping a comedian overcome her shyness.

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