Emergency Question: Which conspiracy theory do you think might actually be true? | Edinburgh Fringe comedians answer © Pixabay

Emergency Question: Which conspiracy theory do you think might actually be true?

Edinburgh Fringe comedians answer

Every day until the end of the Fringe, we're asking one of Richard Herring's Emergency Questions from the RHLSTP podcast to comedians. Here's today's batch of insights... RHLSTP is also at the Assembly Rooms at 13:00 until August 14. Tickets.

And this question in full reads: Which conspiracy theory do you think might actually be true? Come on, one of them must be. And the others were made up just to make that one look just as crazy?

te. It’s got everything: glitz and glamour, a niche 2000s celeb, and multiple feature-length Youtube documentaries breaking it all down. It’s an irresistible conspiracy. And it also begs the question: how on earth do you conclusively prove that someone can read? Kathy Maniura & Derek Mitchell  whose show Horseplay: Bareback is on at Underbelly at 10:30pm

I think that the artist formally known as Prince did actually get some ribs taken out so he could suck himself off.  Brennan Reece whose show Crowded is on at Pleasance Courtyard at 8:20pm

Denver airport apocalypse bunker 100000%  Jake Cornell whose show Man & Woman is on at Assembly at 6:15pm

A guy I worked catering with told me that there was a council that lived in the earth's core who were planning to switch the North and South Pole. And honestly I'm way too dumb to prove him wrong.  Kylie Brakeman whose show Linda Hollywood's Big Hollywood Night is on at Gilded Balloon at 7:00pm

The (US) government hides sugar in our food by making nutritional information confusing or obfuscated in order to keep us addicted and controlled. I don't believe this as a joke or ironically, I am certain it is happening. Also Bush did 9/11.   Dalia Malek whose show Another Castle is on at Just the Tonic at 3:15pm

They 100 per cent murdered Epstein. Frankly if you're a billionaire paedophile who's about to be exposed you would be mad not to, bargain of the century. Milo Edwards whose show Voicemail is on at The Mash House at 4:35pm

The cornerstone of our friendship is our mutual belief that the Queen killed Diana and that she'll kill again (in our opinion). Crizards whose show Cowboys is on at Assembly at 10:15pm

The one about how birds aren't real.  Lucy Frederick whose show Lucy Frederick's Big Fat Wedding is on at Gilded Balloon Patterhoose at 3:40pm

Paul McCartney died and was replaced by an imposter.  Donna Landy whose show Oy Gay! is on at Bar50 at 10:15pm

The Royal Family are all lizards.  Tom Skelton whose show 2020 Visions (What if I hadn't gone blind?) is on at Underbelly at 7:15pm

The missing link. Not sure how much of a conspiracy it is but I definitely think that 'the missing link' is when aliens came to earth and 'partnered up' with monkeys and then voila- here we are.  Iain MacDonald whose show Pundemic is on at Three Sisters at 10:45am

That guy was hanging on a tree in the background of Wizard Of Oz. I JUST KNOW IT!  Tom DeTrinis whose show I Hate New York is on at Assembly at 6:20pm

Surely our phones are listening to us. Why else would I be repeatedly advertised talking therapy and trauma workshops…? Because of my ‘general online presence"’ nice try, Google!  Chelsea Birkby whose show More Mr Nice Chelsea is on at Just the Tonic at The Caves at 3:40pm

Simulation theory. The Matrix seemed pretty plausible. Apart from Revelations. Alex MacKeith whose show Thanks for Listening  is on at Underbelly at 2:45pm

Not only is Elvis still alive, he's opening for me on my upcoming tour. Sean McLoughlin whose show So Be It is on at Pleasance Courtyard at 7:55pm

Maybe (maybe) that COVID 19 came from a germ warfare lab (accidentally) and that the knowledge of how it would ultimately mutate made the Chinese do fake videos of people falling into piles of tomatoes at the supermarket to scare shit out of their population-  because they knew how close we were to world annihilation. But luckily  the Whuan scientists were more lazy than crazy and hadn't got to working on that actual mutation yet..  Charmian Hughes whose show Charmian Hughes: She! Immortal Horror Queen's Guide To Life is on at Counting House at 6:00pm

Look, we believe in science. But if Nasa came out tomorrow and revealed that the moon was just a white circle painted onto a big black curtain, we can’t say that makes less sense than a ROCK THAT FLIES.  Brian McElhaney whose show BriTANicK is on at Assembly at 7:45pm

Jews running the world. I'm writing this under the table at one of our meetings. Leo Reich whose show Literally Who Cares?!  is on at Pleasance Courtyard at 9:35pm

Irn Bru isn't sold in America to prevent a US/Scottish war.  Cory Peter Lane, Jeremy Elder and Hunter Saling whose show Business Casual: Feral is on at Gilded Balloon at 8:20pm

Illuminati  Mary Beth Barone whose show Silly Little Girl is on at Pleasance Courtyard at 8:30pm

I really like the Qanon conspiracy that the online furniture shop Wayfair is actually a cover for a child trafficking paedophile ring, which from what I’ve read is based entirely around the idea that they’ve got too many products – there can’t be this many lamps, so some of these lamps must be children you can buy. And I’m not saying I believe it, but I have gone to the website and there are absolutely too many lamps. So explain that.  Ciarán Dowd whose show King Rodolfo is on at Pleasance Courtyard at 9:00pm

I admire all conspiracy theorists. They have such faith in humanity. They're utterly convinced that the whole world could be great if we just got rid of the bad apples hiding behind the curtain. Sadly, there is no curtain and this is just what happens when you put a load of angry monkeys in any one place. Sorry. Oh and Epstein didn't kill himself.  Garrett Millerick whose show Just Trying to Help  is on at Monkey Barrel at 11:25pm

Ellen Degeneres being mean.  Emo Majok whose show African Aussie is on at Underbelly at 8:30pm

David Icke's thing about the Royal Family being lizard people. And as proof, I give you the Princess Diana Memorial Reptile House at Shepreth Wildlife Park. It opened a month after Diana's death, which was the epitome of jumping on a trend.  David Ephgrave whose show Good Grief - Edinburgh Fringe 2022 at Chortle.co.uk">David Ephgrave: Good Grief is on at Just the Tonic at the Caves at 2:40pm

"Chemicals in the water are turning frogs gay.  I don't know sometimes I pass by a frog and think yeah these frogs have been getting a little fruity lately. I went to a pond and this frog came out of the water to critique my outfit. I got read to filth.

Erika Ehler whose show Femcel is on at Monkey Barrel  at 9:40pm

Cell phones are alien technology dropped to earth to get us to do the dirty work of documenting and researching the human experience.  Abby Wambaugh whose show Abby Wambaugh and Bronwyn Sweeney is on at The Stand at 1:19pm

Bigfoot. The existence of a hairy, tall hermit with large feet isn’t really a stretch.The Fremonts (Stephanie Dodd and Justin Badger)  whose show The Failure Cabaret is on at Underbelly Cowgate at 9:05pm

Avril Lavigne IS dead and WAS replaced by a lookalike. End of. Bella Hull whose show Babycakes is on at Pleasance Courtyard at 5:41pm

Published: 12 Aug 2022

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