Tweets of the week

Tweets – soon to be Threads or BlueSkys or Spaffs or whatever – of the week

enjoying the tennis although i don't really understand why there's a lifeguard

— mutable joe (@mutablejoe) July 3, 2023

Nena. Cheer up Jay-Z by giving him your balloons.

— GlennyRodge (@GlennyRodge) July 6, 2023

I told my son that the leader of the mosquitos was the bossquito and then my wife called the cops.

— FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF (@sofarrsogud) July 6, 2023

Would you rather fight one big twitter or a thousand tiny twitters?

— Moose Allain Ꙭ (@MooseAllain) July 7, 2023

I got a tattoo from a temporary tattoo parlor. It's been over a month and the tattoo is still there.

When I went back to complain, the place was gone.

— mariana Z (@mariana057) July 6, 2023

Edvard Monster Munch pic.twitter.com/uoTHcs7O2G

— Olaf Falafel (@OFalafel) July 6, 2023

me: our marriage is like a rock.

my 8yo: you mean like you’re trapped under it and can’t escape?

— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) July 2, 2023

Astronauts have always struck me as quite selfish & narcissistic. It doesn’t surprise me that Gloria Gaynor dumped that prick that came back from outer space

— Sanjeev Kohli (@govindajeggy) June 30, 2023

Hey, are you a guest at my badly run hotel reception 'cos I've been checking you out for the last half an hour

— Craig Deeley (@craiguito) July 5, 2023

I just passed a magpie eating the mutilated body of another magpie, does that still count as joy

— beth ashley (@bethmayashley) July 2, 2023

When was the last time you felt like an idiot? For me it was just now, when I was discussing "the carrot and stick approach" and learned that the stick is for punishment and not to suspend a carrot from, like someone going fishing for a donkey.

— Adam Farrer (@AdamJFarrer) July 5, 2023

Please sir can I have some more tweets?? pic.twitter.com/E5v053GYiI

— Ruth Husko: Too cheeky (@dank_ackroyd) July 2, 2023

Please do not allow your spirit animal to foul the footpath. Somebody’s inner child could step in it.

— paul bassett davies (@thewritertype) July 6, 2023

Published: 7 Jul 2023