Tweets of the week

Tweets of the week

I prefer to visit Hyde Park during the day when it's Jekyll Gardens. Slightly less mental

— Sanjeev Kohli (@govindajeggy) February 10, 2023

I think I’d want my funeral to be a quiet affair. A short eulogy or two, maybe play one of my favourite songs, then I burst fully alive from the coffin dressed as Austin Powers yelling do I make you mourny baby

— Glenn Moore (@TheNewsAtGlenn) February 10, 2023

Settle an argument for me... I think hair on your head grows at different speeds at different times of the year whereas my wife believes I'm fucking boring. Who's right? Fingaz crossed dat bofe is tru.

— William Andrews (@Williamandrews) February 9, 2023

"Non, je ne regrette rien" - Edith Piaf
"Je suis 3.14159, bitches!" - Edith PiAF.

— T'Other Simon - Off to Leicester Comedy Festival (@TOther_Simon) February 6, 2023

Nailed today's to-do list pic.twitter.com/PgA7bm2mDM

— Lev Parikian (@LevParikian) February 4, 2023

I've been working in a condom factory and everyone just laughs at me. I'm getting fed up of being ribbed for their pleasure.

— David Quantick (@quantick) February 10, 2023

One of our children has been arrested for setting fire to an Aardvark. It was Aarson.

— Gareth George - Groan Man (@groanman2020) February 10, 2023

At what point were people buying hotcakes so fast it set the bar?

— Boog (@bewgtweets) February 8, 2023

Every castle is a bouncy castle if you’re not that fussed about airtime or pain.

— Jason (@NickMotown) February 8, 2023

Wrong number. You want Bonnie Tiler https://t.co/OMq1Pv3cep

— Bonnie Tyler (@BonnieTOfficial) February 6, 2023

Published: 10 Feb 2023