Tweets of the week

Tweets of the week

Whoever named the dad bod, missed a perfect opportunity.

They should have called it a "father figure".

— mariana Z (@mariana057) December 2, 2022

Little known fact: Before the crowbar was invented, crows simply drank at home. pic.twitter.com/5mgoGENyBo

— jim rose circus (@jimrosecircus1) November 30, 2022

I run a 90s dance night down our local club. We have a strict ‘No festive tunes’ policy… At Christmas time, we let in Deee-Lite, and we banish Slade.

— Neil (@_Enanem_) December 2, 2022

Since I got a dog, every time I go up the park I have to take those little shit bags with me. Although once the novelty wears off I’m sure they’ll go back to sitting in their rooms on their phones.

— Olaf Falafel (@OFalafel) November 28, 2022

My shower gel is £1 but my washing up liquid is £2. Why am I spending twice as much to clean my plates as I am to clean myself? We're both covered in the same pasta sauce.

— Martin Pilgrim (@MartinPilgrim1) November 30, 2022

How do you measure how heavy a red hot chili pepper is?

Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now.

— PUNS (@ThePunnyWorld) December 1, 2022

Just seen an old guy doing door to door sales. He was knocking on 70.

— Jay Tuvz (@JayTuvz) December 2, 2022

I don't think the word "narcissistic" has nearly enough "i"s in it

— Sanjeev Kohli (@govindajeggy) November 30, 2022

Hi @NoContextBrits, we investigated your below query however, the person in question has made it very clear that he don't care https://t.co/qzLLbrNJwL

— National Rail (@nationalrailenq) December 1, 2022

Published: 2 Dec 2022