Tweets of the week

Tweets of the week

my grief counselor died today but she was so good at her job i don't even give a shit

— dr. alien skier (@clichedout) February 22, 2022

I went to an acupuncturist and it felt like he’d stuck pins in me before. Turns out it was deja voodoo.

— Gary Delaney is on tour now (@GaryDelaney) February 19, 2022

HISTORICAL FACT: Henry VIII’s second wife, Anne Boleyn was tried and found guilty of treason. However, her brother Wom was found not guilty so went free.

— Flups (@TheRealFlups) February 23, 2022

*rereads text*

"The funeral's going to be a sombre affair"

*takes off Mexican hat*

— Olaf Falafel (@OFalafel) February 22, 2022

how many times do u think Oscar the grouch saw a drunk guys dick as they pissed directly into his house

— ɢʀᴇɢɢʏ (@itmegreggy) February 24, 2022

Met Everlast from House of Pain in John Lewis today. In the bedding section. He came to get down.

— Sanjeev Kohli (@govindajeggy) February 23, 2022

Shoutout to everyone who’s never had an identity crisis. You know who you are.

— paul bassett davies (@thewritertype) February 23, 2022

Her skin was like porcelain. Toiletface, they called her.

— He Called Me Greenhorn (@WhatsAGreenhorn) January 26, 2022

[seance]

spiritualist: hello, is anybody there?
spirit: new glass who dis?

— Moose Allain Ꙭ (@MooseAllain) February 25, 2022

Batman:
⬛⬛⬛🟩🟩
⬛⬛⬛🟩🟩
⬛⬛⬛🟩🟩
⬛⬛⬛🟩🟩
⬛⬛⬛🟩🟩
⬛⬛⬛🟩🟩

Robin: IT DOESNT FUCKING START WITH BAT

— 🦕pat.🦕 (@patsatweetin) February 21, 2022