Gold releases its topical Christmas cracker jokes for 2020
The Gold TV channel has released its annual list of topical Christmas cracker jokes.
The winning gag – ‘What is Dominic Cummings' favourite Christmas song? Driving Home for Christmas’ – wins Craig Roberts from Manchester £1,500 in holiday vouchers.
He also wrote the third gag on the list: ‘Why didn't Mary and Joseph make it to Bethlehem? All Virgin flights were cancelled.’
Here is the top 20:
- What is Dominic Cummings' favourite Christmas song? Driving Home for Christmas
- Did you hear that production was down at Santa's workshop? Many of his workers have had to Elf isolate
- Why didn't Mary and Joseph make it to Bethlehem? All Virgin flights were cancelled
- Why are Santa's reindeer allowed to travel on Christmas Eve? They have herd immunity
- Why did the pirates have to go into lockdown? Because the "Arrrr!" rate had risen
- Why is it best to think of 2020 like a panto? Because eventually, it's behind you
- Why couldn't Mary and Joseph join their work conference call? Because there was no Zoom at the inn
- Why can't Boris Johnson make his Christmas cake until the last minute? He doesn't know how many tiers it should have
- What do the Trumps do for Christmas dinner? They put on a super spread
- Which Christmas film was 30 years ahead of its time?
Home Alone - How do you play Dominic Cummings Monopoly? Ignore the rules, move anywhere on the board you like, and never Go To Jail
- Why won't Santa lose any presents this year? He's downloaded Sack and Trace
- How is the pandemic like my stomach after Christmas? It'll take ages to flatten the curve
- How is Prince Andrew coping with the stresses of Christmas this year? Fine. No sweat
- Why wasn't Rudolph allowed to take part in vaccine trials? Because they only wanted guinea pigs
- Which government scheme supports Christmas dinner? Eat Sprout To Help Out
- How can you get out of talking to your boss at this year's staff Christmas party? Put him on mute
- How does Santa keep track of all the fireplaces he's visited? He keeps a logbook
- Who dresses in red and gives to the children this Christmas? Marcus Rashford
- Why did Mary and Joseph have to travel to Bethlehem? Because they couldn't book a home delivery
Published: 8 Dec 2020