Jokes are now 'a number of incorrect comments'

WTF: Weekly Trivia File

•'Cameron though, he's got some lovely suits hasn't he? He's very handsome when he wants to be.' Joe Lycett.

• Bill Bailey has revealed that was almost arrested at gunpoint outside Buckingham Palace… for picking up a bird. Speaking on tonight's Graham Norton Show he says: 'We were driving up The Mall at two in the morning and there was a goose in the road flapping. We stopped and my wife insisted we rescue it so we put a blanket over it and just as I was putting it in the boot of the car a pistol was put to my head and a royal protection officer said, "What's going on here?" I suffer from asthma and at that exact point started to have an attack and struggled to explain it was just a goose. Finally the bird peeked out of the blanket and stared down the barrel of the gun and we all just stood there. Finally the officer said into his jacket microphone, "Stand down, it's just a goose". It makes you wonder whether there was a sniper trained on me!'

• Some icons of British comedy have been celebrated in cross-stitch. 8bitnorthxstitch has created likenesses such as Open All Hours, Red Dwarf, Phoenix Nights and Spaced, below. All the work is currently on display, and for sale, at The Craft Shop inside the Royal Exchange Theatre in Manchester.

• Pete Doherty once wrote a sitcom with his Libertines bandmate Carl Barat, who told the NME: 'We started writing a sitcom, based on when we lived on [London's] Camden Road with events real and some of them largely fictional. But we don't need the fictional ones 'cos the real ones are just fucking batshit. We got someone in to script edit it, but once we said that, we were like, "Right that's that done then", and then it didn't go any further.' Doherty is famously a Tony Hancock fan, and once fronted a documentary about his comic hero, who inspired the title of the Libertines' debut album Up The Bracket.

• The internet has a new hero in the form of Frank Chimero, who has noticed that almost all New Yorker cartoons work with exactly the same caption: 'Hi, I'd like to add you to my professional network on LinkedIn.' See here for seem examples.

• Doug Stanhope says 'I'd probably drink myself to death if I wasn't doing [stand-up]. Not that I don't drink on the road but you can't start until later.'

• Comic loses his shit at a heckler:

• Humourless folk in Exeter have complained after Josh Widdicombe joked about the city being a Rugby World Cup host on Mock The Week last night. The local newspaper, the Express and Echo, notes dutifully that 'the 32-year-old made a number of incorrect comments about the city', which other people might recognise as 'jokes'. The comedian said on the show: 'To give you an idea of Exeter – do you remember the poster shop Athena? They've still got one. They've got an Athena next to a C&A.' For the record, the Express and Echo reports: 'The last surviving branch of Athena shut its doors in September 2014, and the premises are currently occupied by Yorkshire Building Society. C&A closed all 113 of its UK stores in 2000, and the building now houses Tesco and Sports Direct.' Thanks for the clarification.

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