My 'shagathon' was a disaster

WTF: Weekly Trivia File

  • ‘If anyone in Milton Keynes is thinking about trying to lose weight, I can honestly say that this Slimming World group is the place to do it!’ Jason Manford on the Milton Keynes News website.

  • Russell Kane planned to go on a two-year ‘shagathon’ to rival the likes of Russell Brand and Noel Fielding after his divorce – but gave up after sleeping with four women in a month because he couldn’t handle the emotion ‘I thought I'd be able to live up to the stereotype of what comedians make their lives out to be like,’ he said. ‘I'd envisaged two years of wild living but I couldn't manage it. I'm such a loser.’ He said he took one of the girls back to The Dorchester with plans to ‘shag like a sewing machine in a power surge’ but admitted: ‘It was a complete disaster. In the end I wasn't able to consummate the experience because I was too nervous and fucked up from the split, so we spent the night together and had a cuddle.’

  • The IT Crowd and Bridesmaid star Chris O’Dowd has got engaged to TV presenter Dawn Porter. He broke the news on Twitter, saying: ‘I'm so bored of all this happiness and sex. I'm getting married.’

  • ‘If anyone in Clitheroe is thinking about trying to lose weight, I can honestly say that a Slimming World group is the place to do it!’ Jason Manford in the Clitheroe Advertiser

  • Johnny Vegas is to appear on the ‘Wall of Legends’ at the new ground of his beloved St Helens rugby league club. His tile at the Langtree Park reads: ‘Johnny Vegas/Fame is fickle/Saints forever/Welcome home.’

  • On tour, Sarah Millican asks her audience: ‘Have you broken anything during sex?’ So she was rather taken aback one night when a woman confessed to breaking ‘a hamster’. Only on further interrogation did it emerge that Millican had misheard and it was a banister that got broken... ‘which is still pretty impressive,’ she says.

  • ‘If anyone in Cradley is thinking about trying to lose weight, I can honestly say that these Slimming World groups are the places to do it.’ Jason Manford in the Halesowen News.

  • This is just horrible... awful, cunty hecklers (who seem to be the ones who filmed this) vs a struggling comic who doesn’t seem to know what he’s doing. Not a good night out for anybody else.

  • Eddie Izzard says he’s always embarrassed to do vocal exercises before a gig. He told Absolute Radio’s Geoff Lloyd: ‘That is the one thing, out of everything I've done in my life, coming out as a transvestite and I've run many marathons and stuff, but the one thing that is still embarrassing to me is vocal warm-ups. I have to go round and say “Suck my head, Mr President”, I have to say weird things like that, and that isn't rude... that's what I do, I just have to go round saying bizarre things, “I am made out of China, I am made out of China” because everyone else is going “babababa”.’

  • ‘If anyone in Pellon is thinking about trying to lose weight, I can honestly say that this Slimming World group is the place to do it!’ Jason Manford in the Halifax Courier.

  • Tweets of the week.
    Jacques_aih (@ jacques_aih ):You can't think of an oxymoron? Good grief.
    Simon Blackwell (@ simonblackwell ): 10cc have a tribute band called 10bcc who are invisible.
    Adam Bloom (@ adambloomie2 ): I've already broken my 2012 new year's resolution, it was to not live in the pas


SOURCES: Milton Keynes News, The Sun, Twitter, Clitheroe Advertiser, St Helens Reporter. The Sun, Halesowen News, Youtube, Absolute Radio, Halifax Courier, Twitter

Published: 30 Dec 2011

Today's comedy-on demand picks

THE LOCKDOWN LOCK-IN

Tim Key headlines this night of comedy, music and poetry, fundraising in aid of the National Autistic Society tonight (Thursday) at 8.15pm, after the clap for carers.

Other comics taking part include  Harriet Dyer, Jack Carroll, Jay Foreman, Milo McCabe, Paul 'Silky' White, Edy Hurst, Tony Wright, and Will Andrews.

Click for more suggestions

... including Marcel Lucont's lockdown show plus a new episode of Jacob Hawley's Job Centre.

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