Buy Noel's old house - complete with porn

The week's comedy trivia

  • Dave Spikey has admitted: ‘I love Barry Manilow's early stuff.’

  • This might be worrying – Larry David’s bizarre behaviour in Curb Your Enthusiasm is considered ‘normal’ by neuroscientists. Researchers looking into the formation of memory have been asking their subjects to watch and recall an episode of his sitcom because it ‘accurately simulated real-life experiences’. Remembering what happened in the show three months after watching it apparently requires ‘retrieving material that occurs in more complex settings than typically exist in a laboratory environment’. The scientists made their subjects watch the sitcom while using magnetic resonance imaging to see which parts of the brain were active in the memory process.

  • Noel Fielding's old flat is up for sale. The two-bedroom maisonette near Hampstead Heath features a bedroom ‘done out like a padded cell with a manky duvet stapled to the wall’, a sliding door ‘covered in fluffy zebra fabric’ and a loo ‘papered in porn’, according to one would-be buyer. The agent admits the £265,000 flat requires ‘some updating’.

  • A Scunthorpe car dealership is selling a car that it says ‘may’ have belonged to Peter Kay, because the log book of the £7,000 blue Mercedes Vaneo 1.7 CDTi Ambiente lists a Peter Kay of Bolton as a previous owner for four years. The local paper decided to look into the claim and reported back: ‘As part of the Scunthorpe Telegraph's investigations, we contacted singer Tony Christie.’ Unsurprisingly, he couldn’t really help.

  • Ricky Gervais says he lost his belief in God when he was just eight years old, after his 19-year-old brother saw him drawing a picture of Jesus on the cross. ‘There I was, happily drawing my hero when my big brother Bob asked, “Why do you believe in God?”’ Gervais said. ‘Just a simple question. But my mum panicked. “Bob,” she said, in a tone that I knew meant “shut up.” Why was that a bad thing to ask? If there was a God and my faith was strong, it didn’t matter what people said. Oh…hang on. There is no God. He knows it, and she knows it deep down. It was as simple as that. I started thinking about it and asking more questions, and within an hour, I was an atheist. Wow. No God.’

  • Meanwhile, Lily Allen says she’s got a crush on Ricky Gervais. ‘He's actually my type,’ she said. ‘I quite like the older man. Has he got a hairy back? I like men with a bit of meat and a bit of hair. Not on the head though – I prefer them bald.’

  • Campaigners lobbying for a knighthood for Ken Dodd claim to have the support of Mick Jagger, after someone in Surrey used the star’s name to sign their online petition with the comment: ‘This could be the last time!!!’ To the surprise of no one, except the news outlets that decided it was a genuine story, 24 hour later Jagger’s spokesman said: ‘Mick has a healthy respect for Ken Dodd's humour but has not signed a petition pushing for his elevations to Sir Doddy. It is an imposter or another Mick Jagger.’

  • Comic Janey Godley once spotted a familiar face in an airport queue, and asked: ‘Are you a stand-up comedian?’, thinking they must have once worked together. He frowned and asked: ‘Do I look funny?’ To which she replied: ‘No, not really. What is it you do and why do I know you?’ Her daughter then hissed: ‘That's Noel Gallagher from Oasis.’ So Godley asked him: ‘Are you the mental one or the grumpy one?’ Luckily he laughed.’

SOURCES: Bolton News, Science Daily, The Independent, Sunthorpe Telegraph, Best Life magazine, BBC, Daily Star, The Scotsman

Published: 22 Feb 2008

Today's comedy-on demand picks

NICK HELM: ALL KILLER SOME FILLER

This is the show that celebrated the launch of Nick Helm's album in 2016, and has previously been unseen by anyone who was not in the O2 Forum Kentish Town that night.

With typical hyperbole, the show is described thusly: 'Under-rehearsed, under-prepared and under pressure, Nick and his band somehow managed to pull together the greatest show in the last 27 years of living memory. That show went down as a thing of legend, often spoken about by weary travellers around campfires, but thought to have been lost to the sands of time forever.'

Click for more suggestions

... including Al Murray headlining a Just For Tonic gig and the launch of Free Festival's virtual comedy programming.

We see you are using AdBlocker software. Chortle relies on advertisers to fund this website so it’s free for you, so we would ask that you disable it for this site. Our ads are non-intrusive and relevant. Help keep Chortle viable.