'I threw my phone into the woods on mushrooms' | The Big Ask: Whats's the most drunk or wasted you have been at the Fringe?

'I threw my phone into the woods on mushrooms'

The Big Ask: Whats's the most drunk or wasted you have been at the Fringe?

I played tennis on Cowgate with a plate and a workout DVD at 3am. Laura Lexx, Trying, Gilded Balloon, 17:15

I once got so drunk I decided it would be funny to eat some tulips. It wasn't. They taste horrible. I was sick. Owen Roberts, OI Let A Six Year Old Write My Show, Pleasance, 16:45

Stagediving into some empty chairs after former England No.1 goalkeeper, Paul Robinson, got Rob Beckett and I very drunk. Ian Smith, Craft, Underbelly: Buttercup, 17:15

In my early 20s I lived in Edinburgh and the Fringe was a yearly nuisance as Edinburgh became even more braying and English than it already was. One night to escape the drama students I took loads of acid with my girlfriend and went for a big walk down Leith. We chanced upon a group of Chinese men fishing off the harbour wall (I’m not 100 per cent sure they were Chinese but they were definitely from that part of the world, if that’s not racist) and I stopped to talk to them. They couldn’t speak English and I couldn’t speak Chinese (or whatever - I’m not racist) but one of them caught something as we stood there. Everyone gathered round as he reeled it in until it was against the harbour wall about 15 feet below. I looked down at it and it was huge and had flippers that slapped against the harbour wall as it rolled around on the end of the line. I realised he’d hooked a seal@ I turned to him and implored him to do something, you can’t catch a seal, it’s a mammal! The Chinese (or whatever) guys all huddled round shining torches as I fervently yelled and mimed the fact that they’d caught a seal. Then I looked down again and saw that it was in fact just a big fish and I was tripping my nut off. Leo Kearse, Right Wing Comedian, Espionage - Pravda, 19:30

The night we attempted to get into the Gilded Balloon without passes and sang the door person a terrible versions of The Beatles songs. Ell Sachs, The Travelling Sisters: Toupé, Gilded Balloon Teviot, 18:15

I got very stoned up Arthur's Seat in the middle of the night with my mate. He told me a story about how he used to go to school dressed as Superman under his uniform. He had to stop doing that when they had a surprise PE lesson one day and his classmates and teachers discovered that he was dressed as Superman under his uniform. I laughed so much I fell off the rock I was sitting on and rolled halfway down the bloody hill. I got quite badly bruised but was so stoned I couldn't stop laughing. Garrett Millerick, Sunflower, Tron, 17:00

I once tried to get to my digs after a night in the Gilded Balloon. I don’t remember much about the night except standing at the bar with agent Addison Creswell who kept asking me to hit him in the stomach so he could ‘show off his abs’ I eventually did and he collapsed on the floor. This was a good time to leave. Taxis wouldn’t Pick Me Up and when they did they dropped me off again when they thought I was going to throw up. I eventually fell asleep under a bush on a roundabout. Jim Tavare, From Deadpan to Bedpan..., Counting House Ballroom, Laughing Horse, 16:15

I threw my phone into the woods on mushrooms. Or did I? (I did) John Hastings, John Hastings: Float Like A Butterfly John Hastings Like A Bee, Pleasance Cellar, 20:30

I got so drunk my first year that on the way home I got a huge greasy pizza, put it down to unlock my door, left it outside, sat on the couch and immediately forgot that I'd bought it, went back out and bought another one then went to put it in the same place and saw my first pizza yelled "bonus pizza!" brought both in, fell asleep immediately and woke up too hungover to eat either. Chris Betts, Chris Betts Vs The Audience, Bob's Blundabus, 17:20

There was one time I remember being in a state, crying my eyes out on the phone to Ed Weeks and he asked me to tell him where I was and I responded 'Im in the road' then promptly lost my phone and spent ages crying up and down the road. What road? I couldn't tell you. Marny Godden, Marny Town, The Hive, 18:20

Last year, I drank half a bottle of dodgy wine which was a free gift from the Pleasance. I ended up falling asleep in Brian Gittins' last half Midnight Show on the Blundabus, which was effectively Heroes' post-Fringe party. I tried to be subtle - I really was enjoying the show - but toppled over into the aisle. That's where my memory of the night ends - but most of my friends (and all the other Heroes acts) were also in the audience and apparently my prostrate form featured pretty heavily in the rest of the night. I'm still told how funny I was in Brian Gittins' show. Luke Rollason, Luke Rollason's Planet Earth, Monkey Barrel Comedy Club, 14:30

Greg McHugh was sick on stage beside me. I don't want to say it was because he was still Drunk but he was and sorry Greg. William Andrews, Willy, Pleasance Courtyard, 16:45

I met a comedian once who I didn't think I'd met before. She then told me we had in fact met, as she'd stayed in my flat the night I found out I was in the BBC New Comedy Final and had got suitably wasted, and she'd come home and her first sighting was of me face down on the floor with a pizza box AND a kebab next to me. Naturally, I do not recall this Lauren Pattison, Peachy, Pleasance Courtyard, 19:00

Tony Law, A Lost Show, MonkeyBarrel, 15:00 2013/14/but mostly 15. 2 litres vodka a day. I’m really not bragging. But that morning litre got me level. Crack doesn’t sober you up like you’d think.

Horribly, when I was a student, me and some mates were doing our dawn expedition up Arthur’s Seat and I bumped into personal hero Tim Key. I think I said a lot of cringey stuff about how good I thought his sketch troupe’s radio series was and told him to 'keep swinging, youngster'. I really hope if we met now he wouldn’t remember that. Hideous. Moon, Moon, Pleasance Attic, 21:30

When I was a flyerer I was snuck into the So You Think You’re Funny party, the first time I had ever been to that gave out free booze and I was not good at controlling my portions with alcohol when paying. It was a kids party themed so to get in the mood I grabbed a Fosters, a glass of red wine and got my face fully painted into a tiger. I got so hammered I left the party early to get some food and didn’t even make it outside of Bristo Square as I a sit on the wall by the Pleasance Dome to have wee sleep. Where many fringe-goers thought they would have fun getting group selfies with the snoring Tiger-Man. Thankfully one of the Pleasance bouncers, woke me up and shoved me into a cab. That was five years ago and now one of my fringe traditions is that every time I leave or enter the Pleasance Dome or Courtyard, I do so with a 'RAWR!' Struan Logan, Struan All Over the World, Counting House: Attic, 18:05

On my first trip as a punter, I drunk from 6am for the Cardiff to Edinburgh flight until 2am the following day, and am pretty sure I got alcohol poisoning and didn't see a single show the following three days. Robin Morgan, Robin Morgan: Honeymoon, The Pear Tree, 16:00

Published: 18 Aug 2018

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