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Authorities investigate train collision

Onion News Network has more

US authorities are investigating a collision between two trains.

According to the Onion News Network, one was travelling from Chicago at 80mph, the other from Washington DC travelling at 75mph. 

Railway investigators believe they have narrowed down the time of the crash to a) 8:54pm., b) 5:32 pm, c) 7:01pm, or d) None of the above.

Published: 16 Oct 2026

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