My dog lies about her age
Tweets of the week
Posts of the week
Ok hear me out, Gregg Wallace’s Saturday - The Musical
— Sian Harries - @sianharries.bsky.social (@sianharries_) February 8, 2024
Rishi Sunak needs to be careful, if he keeps telling unfunny trans jokes he might end up with a Netflix special
— Vittorio is ON TOUR RIGHT NOW (@vittorioangelon) February 9, 2024
Q: What's that word beginning with R that means full?
— Andy White - Comedian (He/Him) (@AndyJWhite) February 6, 2024
A: Replete.
Q: I said, "What's that word beginning with R that means full?"
Please book me for a gig.
My dog lies about her age. She’s a week old if she’s a day.
— Craig Deeley (@craiguito) February 5, 2024
My wife and I met at a 'Make a Jelly in the Shape of a US President' class, and I knew she was the one, from the moment I set Eisenhower.
— Paul Eggleston (@pauleggleston) February 7, 2024
Justice is a dish best served cold.
— mariana Z (@mariana057) February 6, 2024
If it was served warm, it would be justwater.
subscriptions >>> https://t.co/hBFnY6wGrI pic.twitter.com/MNUKqboDPC
— Viz Comic (@vizcomic) February 6, 2024
Nubile women with deepfake avatar pictures are 'liking' my tweets about Bill Oddie and the cost of insuring a Honda Jazz. Welcome to Twitter 2024.
— Mahatma Jane Leeves (@AlanKelloggs) February 4, 2024
I still prefer the terms 'Cashier' or 'Checkout Lady' but I'm old-fashioned like that. pic.twitter.com/CgluGaaXiq
— John O'Connell (@jdpoc) February 7, 2024
Me: Rats only live for two years, so hinging an entire restaurant's success on the cooking abilities of a single rodent is a business model with built-in obsolescence
— Andy Ryan (@ItsAndyRyan) February 9, 2024
Theatre usher: I understand, Sir, but your booing is disturbing the children
Just saw a video on Instagram of Mark Wahlberg with his dog, Champ. Not going to lie, I’m hugely disappointed he didn’t call his dog Barky Bark.
— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) February 9, 2024
— CEEFAUX (@ceefaux) February 5, 2024
And from comedy promoter Toby Jones on Facebook in response to the Chortle article that Les Dennis was making his Shakespearean debut: 'Is this a dagger I see before me... Our survey said..."
Published: 9 Feb 2024
