Why can't melons run away and get married?

Tweets of the week

Posts of the week

Someone asked what my favourite tongue twister is but it’s hard to say.
— Gary Delaney is on tour now (@GaryDelaney) September 5, 2023

She wore an
Itsy bitsy teeny weeny… pic.twitter.com/4z6skpaKzm
— Moose Allain (@MooseAllain) September 4, 2023

Asked for a pint with a dash, and the barmaid poured it, then topped it up with tea.

I really wish the pub wouldn't employ Morse Code enthusiasts. #LunchPun
— Max Harvey (@maxharvey79) September 4, 2023

"Why the fuck haven't you thanked Gillian Keegan?" pic.twitter.com/DpvMGUekHo
— Oonagh (@Okeating) September 6, 2023

Girl melon: Why can't we just run away and get married?
Boy melon: Because we're can'telopes.
— GlennyRodge (@GlennyRodge) September 6, 2023

I don't want to brag about how cultured I am, but I've visited the outside of many historical buildings that charge an entrance fee
— Craig Deeley (@craiguito) September 8, 2023

Is it just me, or does 'Hackney Diamonds' sound like a Viz Profanisaurus entry for some mucus on a pavement?
— LF Barfe (@AlanKelloggs) September 8, 2023

I'm wearing a shirt so loud that I had to turn my trousers up.
— T'Other Simon (@TOther_Simon) September 6, 2023

I love those miniature bottles you get on planes and hotel minibars, they are perfect for when you’re Stranded on desert island but you haven’t got much to say.
— Olaf Falafel (@OFalafel) September 6, 2023