Tweets of the week

Tweets of the week

My dad keeps 3 rescue chickens in this garden.

Me: ‘are they gonna be alright through the winter?’

My dad: ‘yes. They’ve had their rooster jab’

Of all my father’s staggering body of work, this is my favourite.

— Shaparak Khorsandi (@ShappiKhorsandi) December 13, 2021

It’s not weird to buy a Christmas gift for your cat. What’s weird is to include the receipt so they can take it back if they don’t like it.

— paul bassett davies (@thewritertype) December 13, 2021

Just asked Billy Bunter if he was pregnant. Massive schoolboy error.

— Gary Delaney is on tour now (@GaryDelaney) December 15, 2021

when i get my shit together you'll see, all my shit in one nice big pile, we can sit and look at my shit mountain

— joe (@mutablejoe) December 16, 2021

I hope Elon Musk doesn’t get involved in any scandals.

ElonGate would be really drawn out.

— Nikki 🏳️‍🌈🇵🇭 (@logosaetos) December 15, 2021

Can you imagine what Shakespeare would write if he were alive today? He’d be 450 years old and churning out absolute gobbledegook, proper demented stuff

— Jordan Brookes (@jordbrookes) December 13, 2021

During lockdown I wrote a script & sent it to various people.
I have just received this email from someone at Netflix.
Never give up on your dreams pic.twitter.com/lrcYYTHaLk

— Joe Heenan (@joeheenan) December 14, 2021

Published: 17 Dec 2021