How do I become invisible?

Tweets of the week

A fellow producer just sent me this and I've been crying for at least 5 minutes: pic.twitter.com/gCI5qppwRp
— Jess Duffy (@JessDuff_y) July 9, 2020

I need you to tell me how to become invisible. Do I make myself clear?
— Pundamentalism (@Pundamentalism) July 8, 2020

Me: How come there's only one set of footprints in the sand there?

Jesus: That's when we stepped on lego and both started hopping
— Ayn Randy (@ItsAndyRyan) July 6, 2020

Dance like nobody is behind you waiting to use the cashpoint.
Sing like you forgot the car windows were open.
Love like you just found a whole Twix in a coat pocket.
— paul bassett davies (@thewritertype) July 9, 2020

Next year’s Edinburgh Fringe is undoubtedly going to be a lot smaller, but not nearly as small as it would be if just 10% of dads in the 90s had learnt to use the phrase ‘well done’
— Katie Storey (@KEStorey) July 6, 2020

I think I’m suffering from FOMO - fear of messing up acronyms.
— Olaf Falafel (@OFalafel) July 7, 2020

'Is my cholesterol too high, Doctor?', he asked with a heavy heart.
— Gary Delaney (@GaryDelaney) July 10, 2020

I predicted 30 years ago that we would develop the technology to allow large tanks of water to replenish themselves. It was a self pool-filling prophecy
— Sanjeev Kohli (@govindajeggy) July 10, 2020

Published: 10 Jul 2020