Pull the other one! | Best new Christmas cracker jokes revealed

Pull the other one!

Best new Christmas cracker jokes revealed

A joke about Donald Trump has won the annual competition to come up with the best new modern Christmas cracker joke.

The gag –  Why does Donald Trump have his Christmas dinner on a plastic plate? He doesn’t get on with china – was submitted by Matt King, a secondary school teacher from Wokingham, Berkshire.

He wins £1,500 towards a holiday and a box of bespoke Christmas crackers, one of which will contain his own gag, in the annual competition run by the Gold TV channel.

The full top 10 funniest new Christmas cracker jokes, based on events of the past 12 months,  were:

1.    Why does Donald Trump have his Christmas dinner on a plastic plate? He doesn’t get on with china.

2.    Why is Parliament like ancient Bethlehem? It takes a miracle to find three wise men there.

3.    Christmas dinner is a lot like Brexit. Half the family were told they needed to make room for Turkey, so opted to leave Brussels.

4.    Why has Santa been banned from sooty chimneys? Carbon footprints.

5.    What is Coleen Rooney's favourite game to play over the festive period? Guess Who.

6.    Why doesn't Jeremy Corbyn ever visit Santa? Because he struggles in the poles.

7.    Why is Greta Thunberg boycotting parsnips and carrots at Christmas? Because she's a swede dish campaigner.

8.    What's the difference between Rudolph's nose and David Cameron's autobiography? Only one will be red at Christmas.

9.    What do you call a snowman who goes on Love Island? A melt.

10.  What is Olivia Colman's favourite part of a turkey? The Crown.

Comedy critic Bruce Dessau led the panel of judges. He said: ‘Amongst the political turmoil that seems to have swamped our country this year, we can always rely on British humour to pull us through. With subjects ranging from Brexit and Love Island, to Greta Thunberg and Coleen Rooney, there are jokes here to tickle even the biggest of scrooges.’

The annual joke competition marks Gold’s seasonal TV scheduling, which includes classic festive episodes of comedies such as The Vicar of Dibley, The Royle Family and Mrs Brown’s Boys. .

Published: 10 Dec 2019

What do you think?

Today's comedy-on demand picks

LITTLE AND LARGE

The duo's last stage appearance, filmed at Bristol's Slapstick comedy festival in 2019, is being streamed. It was the pair's first stage appearance for decades, and they talk about their career heyday as well as Large's health problems. He died earlier this year, aged 78, after contracting coronavirus.

Click for more suggestions
... including shows from stand-ups Meryl O'Rourke and Johhny White Really-Really.

We see you are using AdBlocker software. Chortle relies on advertisers to fund this website so it’s free for you, so we would ask that you disable it for this site. Our ads are non-intrusive and relevant. Help keep Chortle viable.