Edinburgh Fringe comedians answer

Every day until the end of the Fringe, we're asking one of Richard Herring's Emergency Questions from the RHLSTP podcast to comedians. Here's today's batch of insights...

Yep, when I was 14 I was arrested for holding up a tractor at a family fete with a ballbearing gun. It was on my Dad's birthday and he had to come collect me from the police station. He realised he didn't really know his son when my personal effects were laid out in front of him. 20 deck of ciggies, a lighter and a gun.  Jamie MacDonald whose show Reasonably Adjusted is on at Guilded Balloon at 7:45pm

Yes, when I was drunk and 13 at an Eminem concert in Ireland. It was a police van and the violent drunks were in the cage bit and I wanted to poke my finger between the bars but I was too afraid.  They kept me in the police station until my mum picked me up. They let me out to watch the fireworks and I watched most of the concert on CCTV. It was fun. Alison Spittle whose show Wet is on at Pleasance Courtyard at 4:45pm

Yep, I had a stalker at High School and had to get a police ride home (the stalker turned out to be my friend using a fake email address). Eli Matthewson whose show Daddy Short-Legs is on at Underbelly George Square at 8:50pm

Of course – mistaken identity, Edinburgh 2015 was the last one. Nothing since, thank cunt.  Tom Ward whose show Anthem is on at Monkey Barrel at 10:25pm

I got arrested on Grand Theft Auto but I went quietly and served my time. In real time.  Luke Rollason whose show Bowerbird is on at Monkey Barrel at 12:30pm

Only once but I made it worth my while. It was Amsterdam, there had been fungi, I had got on a train without a ticket and refused to get off. (None of this I recall.) I may have got away with it, not even any pesky kids in sight, if I hadn't started hitting on the policewoman next to me on the back seat. Classic lines like ‘I love a girl in uniform’ may have been uttered while I stroked her uniformed thigh. A night in a cell cured me of my amorous advances. Didn't cure my love of a uniform though.  Jon Courtenay whose show Against The Odds is on at Gilded Balloon at 6:30pm

No, but I have been on a police car. I grew up on a council estate and some bigger boys made me jump up and down on top of it to prove I was hard enough to hang about with them.  Brennan Reece whose show Crowded is on at Pleasance Courtyard at 8:20pm

Once I got mugged and a guy put a firework to my head. I'm not actually sure the guy had a lighter, but the police took it very seriously and drove us around in a van looking for the mugger. We didn't find him but they put the sirens on and everything and isn't that what getting mugged is all about?  Patrick Spicer whose show Who’s This All of a Sudden is on at Gilded Balloon at 6:20pm

No, but we've been in a police officer. ;) Cory Peter Lane, Jeremy Elder and Hunter Saling whose show Business Casual: Feral is on at Gilded Balloon at 8:20pm

No, but I’ve been in a police van. And for a second I forgot I got arrested because I started chatting with my neighbour and it felt like I was on a school bus. Marcia Belsky whose show Man & Woman is on at Assembly at 6:15pm

No, but I did get the police called on me for sling-shooting rocks at my neighbour’s house from my window (I was 9 and practicing my aim for my future life as a spy). Lanessa Long whose show The Lanessa Show is on at Just The Tonic at The Caves at 10:50am

No, but I did get a $25 fine for drinking in public once (my friends were ready to leave the bar and I didn't want to lose the last few sips of my beer so I took it outside - they were waiting and watching in an undercover car). Rebecca Kaplan whose show Arielle Dundas and Rebecca Kaplan: Parfait is on at Laughing Horse @ City Cafe at 12:05am

From Steph - After I was mugged for the 2nd time in NYC, the cops put me in the car to take me to the station to try to identify the mugger. Unfortunately, the mugger had stolen my phone and the cops encouraged me to call my phone from a police phone to see if the guy would answer. He answered! Then the cops whispered, ‘Keep him on the phone. We’ll track him.’  I made up an elaborate lie to keep the guy on the phone for as long as possible. When I hung up, the cops started laughing and said, ‘What do you think this is? CSI? We can’t track anyone like that.’ Way to go NYPD - mocking a recent mugging victim is so your brand. But honestly, if I hadn’t just been mugged, I would have thought that was kind of a funny prank.  The Fremonts (Stephanie Dodd and Justin Badger)  whose show The Failure Cabaret is on at Underbelly Cowgate at 9:05pm

Published: 22 Aug 2022