Emergency Question: What is the oldest thing that you own? | Edinburgh Fringe comedians answer © jarmoluk/Pixabay

Emergency Question: What is the oldest thing that you own?

Edinburgh Fringe comedians answer

Every day until the end of the Fringe, we're asking one of Richard Herring's Emergency Questions from the RHLSTP podcast to comedians. Here's today's batch of insights...


Well, technically, it’d be a lovely pebble from a beach. I’ve only had it for a few years but if we’re going to split hairs then that thing is millions of years old.  Ailis Duff whose show Notflix: Binge is on at Gilded Balloon at 5:00pm

We inherited our vacuum cleaner from my boyfriend's great aunt and it looks like she bought it in the 1800s. It has an incredibly feeble suction, working best if I feed dust into the tube (its a  collab) and I have to order the bags from a weird part of the internet (called The Past). But the thought of researching and then buying a new one makes me feel so deeply sad and bored that I can't bring myself to do it. Lily Phillips whose show Smut is on at Pleasance Courtyard  at 7:25pm

This body God gave me.  Emo Majok whose show African Aussie is on at Underbelly at 8:30pm

The Britney Spears 'Baby One More Time' CD.  Jay Bennett whose show Yasmine Day: Songs in the Key of Me is on at Voodoo Rooms at 7:40pm

Regrets from childhood.  Sam See whose show Sam See: Government Approved Sex is on at Laughing Horse @ Counting House, The Attic at 7:30pm

Oh man, I'm a bit of a hoarder so I still have the broken mattress from the crib my parents used for me as an infant. That's the oldest thing from my personal life, but in terms of just things that are old I also have a hairbrush that belonged to my great grandmother. I don't know exactly how old it is but I want to guess that she had it when she was 5, which would make it about 118 years old.  Rebecca Kaplan whose show Arielle Dundas and Rebecca Kaplan: Parfait is on at Laughing Horse @ City Cafe at 12:05am

My maternal grandmother's wedding dress from the 1930s. I had thought maybe I would wear it at my wedding but I was too fat and also I sort of forgot about it. Lucy Frederick whose show Lucy Frederick's Big Fat Wedding is on at Gilded Balloon Patterhoose at 3:40pm

Norris still owns a glittery thong from Tammy that she bought when she was 16.  Norris & Parker whose show Sirens is on at Monkey Barrel at 9:15pm

A chromatic mouth organ tuner from the 1950's. Not too sure if it's in tune any more? But it still makes a noise, and is great for bringing a very loud, yet melancholy, ambiance into any room.  Katie Pritchard whose show Disco Ball is on at Pleasance Courtyard at 6:05pm

My great grandmother's prescription bottle that was accidentally left in her sewing kit. No idea what the pills do but I'll let you know when they kick in.  Kylie Brakeman whose show Linda Hollywood's Big Hollywood Night is on at Gilded Balloon at 7:00pm

My dance competition T-shirts THAT STILL FIT HONEYYY.  Tom DeTrinis whose show I Hate New York is on at Assembly at 6:20pm

A plush frog called Florrie. her eyes and innards are quite damaged, she looks like something from rotten.com, a very old website. Alison Spittle whose show Wet is on at Pleasance Courtyard at 4:45pm

My car. It's an old Merc. At the moment petrol is too expensive, so I can't drive it. But it's still nice to look at and sometimes I'll just go sit behind the wheel and make driving sounds with my mouth to remember what it feels like.  Schalk Bezuidenhout whose show I'll Make Laugh To You (Like You Want Me To) is on at Gilded Balloon at 7:40pm

Me. If you can ever really own yourself. Am I right?  Tony Law  whose show Tony Law A Now Begin in Again is on at Monkey Barrel  at 12:00am

First thong I bought at 13.  Anna Clifford  whose show I See Dead(ly) People is on at Gilden Balloon  at 9:00pm

Me and my partner just bought our first house - a little Art Deco number from the 1940s which is ancient in NZ terms.  Eli Matthewson whose show Daddy Short-Legs is on at Underbelly George Square at 8:50pm

I've got some old Italian lira my grandpa gave me that he picked up in Naples during the war. I don't think he picked up anything else.  Tom Skelton whose show 2020 Visions (What if I hadn't gone blind?) is on at Underbelly at 7:15pm

I was cleaning out my childhood bedroom and found my favourite teddy from when I was a boy, but was very upset to learn that rat had eaten its face. I couldn't bring myself to throw the half eaten, faceless bear away so it's just there is a cupboard, waiting for the next rat that wants a piece of it.  Tom Little whose show Tom Little Has Good Reviews So Prepare to Be Impressed is on at Subway at 3:45pm

From Steph - My inherited sense of general insufficiency as a person. It’s been passed down in my family for many generations, so my insecurity about being valuable is actually hundreds of years old. It’s an antique complex. Maybe it would be worth something on ebay? Most of my ancestors used alcohol, religion or obsessing over their children to feel more complete. Unfortunately for me, alcohol makes me feel depressed, religion makes me feel very silly and children just make me want to drink.  The Fremonts (Stephanie Dodd and Justin Badger)  whose show The Failure Cabaret is on at Underbelly Cowgate at 9:05pm

Brian: Roman Gold Coin found in Seguret, France from the 3rd Century. Nick: VHS of The Matrix.  Brian McElhaney whose show BriTANicK is on at Assembly at 7:45pm

As a believer in reincarnation, I would have to say my memory of Methuselah being born. Either that or a pair of Captain America boxer shorts that I've had for over 20 years. Iain MacDonald whose show Pundemic is on at Three Sisters at 10:45am

A 17th Century book by my ancestor begging the King not to kill all the Quakers.  Charmian Hughes whose show Charmian Hughes: She! Immortal Horror Queen's Guide To Life is on at Counting House at 6:00pm

Published: 23 Aug 2022

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