'Someone left me a print of their vagina' | The big ask: What's the weirdest thing you're found in your free Fringe collection bucket?

'Someone left me a print of their vagina'

The big ask: What's the weirdest thing you're found in your free Fringe collection bucket?

A therapist's business card Lola & Jo, Focus Groupies, Underbelly, 16:00

Someone gave me a print of their vagina. Like a potato print. Like they’d dipped it in paint and sat on a sheet of paper and then gave it to me. I still have it. Sarah Keyworth, Dark Horse, Pleasance: Bunker Two, 17:30

A cube of my face, made up of my own flyer. The structural strength meant they must have spent my entire show constructing it. Robin Morgan, Robin Morgan: Honeymoon, The Pear Tree, 16:00

A magnum condom with someone's phone number written on it. I'm hoping it was an open invitation from someone who was clearly very optimistic for me rather than someone who thought their size would impress me. If I'd have seen them put it in I would have told them to take it out and just put their tip in instead. Donation. I mean donation. Damn it. Money. Aaron Calvert, Declassified, Gilded Balloon at the Museum, 18:00

A knitted square that somebody made while they were watching the show. Nothing says, ‘I’m captivated by this show’ like somebody doing another thing during it. Ian Smith, Ian Smith: Craft, Underbelly: Buttercup, 17:15

A recipe for soup. That's how rock and roll my audiences can be, I have pensioner appeal. Scott Bennett, Leap Year, Just The Tonic At The Mash House, 17:55

Someone put nothing in my bucket once after I'd done an hour of brilliant comedy in a fully licensed air conditioned central venue with well-maintained toilets. I was astounded at their entitlement. Other people were chucking in £10s and £20s. They muttered something about not having any cash. Well, don't come to my fucking show then you cheap mother fucker. You're downloading comedy for free. Obviously, they were wearing a "Jeremy 4 PM" badge so they expected other people to pay their way. I've got a card reader this year to catch these fuckers out. Next year I'm going to do the Pleasance - it'll cost me but it'll be worth it to force people to pay £12 to see me. Leo Kearse, Right Wing Comedian, Espionage, 19:30

A half-eaten Cadbury Flake Eli Matthewson, The Year of Magical Fucking, Wee Coo, Underbelly, 21:20

Someone left me a packet of polos tied with a ribbon. It was a bit weird, but I appreciated the sent a mint Darren Walsh, Massive Punt, Just The Tonic: Little Kirk, 18:00

Potato - raw with a note that says 'bake'. John Hastings, Float Like A Butterfly John Hastings Like A Bee, Pleasance Celler , 20:30

A voucher for a strip club. If you thought I was angry, the stripper was fucking furious. Lloyd Langford, Lloyd Langford: Why The Big Face?, Banshee Labyrinth Cinema Room, 22:00

Ecstasy pills. Nick Elleray, It's Been Emotional, Just the Tonic at The Grassmarket Centre, 16:40

A guy, who had been heckling throughout the entire show, strode towards me with a £20 note in his hand. Expecting him to tell me how brave I was or how it's all about the banter, I smiled as he approached. He dropped the money in the bucket, put his hand on my shoulder and said in his thick Scottish accent: 'Don't do that ever again.' Matt Duwell, Snowflake It 'Til You Make It, Laughing Horse @ Harry's Southside, 22:00

A Paris Metro ticket. Not particularly odd, really, and it was actually quite a nice callback to something in the show so credit where credit's due. Kieran Hodgson: '75, Pleasance Beneath, 20:15

A dead, dried frog. The Delightful Sausage, Regeneration Game, Monkey Barrel 2, 12:00

It wasn't at the fringe, but... this. Mat Ricardo, Mat Ricardo vs The World, Las Vegas Room, City Cafe, 12:30

A coconut. Maddie Campion, 20 Uses For A Lovedoll, Just the Tonic - The Caves, 18:15

In 2013, my sketch group received three pills of codeine in our bucket and were told by the barwoman of the venue to 'take them with alcohol to get a real buzz'. We had a 10 minute slot later that night and we parted ways for dinner. After the gig, I discovered that the other two had taken all three of the pills without telling me, and had been performing while on them. Suddenly it made sense why they had been ad libbing like crazy and shouting at the older members of the audience, calling them 'humourless prunes'. We broke up as a sketch group six months later. If only they'd given me that third codeine... Rory O'Keeffe, The Bucket Speech, Voodoo Rooms, 18:15

An onion bhaji Ruth E. Cockburn, Love Letters From Blackpool, Summerhall, 14:40

Published: 7 Aug 2018

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