Ian Wolf has a very radical solution to the festival's problems...

The consensus is that the Edinburgh Fringe is at breaking point, having grown so big that costs – especially for accommodation – have skyrocketed, pricing out all but those with the deepest pockets. We've been asking participants if they have any ideas to make the festival better...

At the Fringe I have two notable jobs: firstly I am currently one of the judges for the increasingly prestigious Malcolm Hardee Awards, and I will be on the lookout for comic originality, cunning stunts, and acts most likely to make a million quid. 

Secondly, I collect all the press clippings during the festival to link to from British Comedy Guide. Last year I, with some additional help, collected 4,644 starred reviews (and countless unscarred ones)  from 119 publications, whose feeds I have to check multiple times a day. 

So although I’m not a performer or a comedy critic, I am someone with the knowledge and experience to have views of how to fix the Fringe. Indeed, I have one very simple idea on how to fix it, and it is this:

SCRAP THE FRINGE

With all the people saying the Fringe is dying, perhaps it is time to actually put it out of its misery. Nothing lasts forever, and perhaps we should move on to something new.

As for what exactly went wrong with the current Fringe, well there are many people you can point the blame at. I don’t think it is the fault of any one single person or group, but each little thing adds up.

Landlords charging high prices for visitors, performers and critics? Certainly.

Mismanagement by the Fringe Society? Most likely.

TV executives and comedy agents only seeking out what is going to be popular rather than anything that is actually innovative? No doubt a factor.

Edinburgh Council for not paying the bin men a fair wage? Most like an added contributor.

Major venues not treating their staff fairly? Somewhat underreported but it must be a consideration.

The environmental costs of printing so many flyers every year? Not so much a Fringe problem but given the state of the planet something that should be thought about.

The Edinburgh Comedy Award inevitably choosing the wrong acts to win their awards? Highly probable, although as a Malcolm Hardee Award judge I do admit to being a bit biased regarding that one.

Comedy being too woke? Fuck off you bullying c***s! If anything, comedy is not woke enough, and anyone who is part of the Comedy Unleashed / GB News / Spiked.com mob can go and die in a ditch. The worst thing about the Fringe last year for me, especially regarding my mental health issues, was the whole Graham Linehan business and how the media tried to turn him into some kind of comedy martyr (who would bring a bring out a book a few months later despite being "cancelled"). All I will say with regard to all this is that I’ve been in love with a genderfluid person since 2010, long before the current moral panic over the trans community, and having seen the rise in trans hate over the years in a job where I see what the press are saying every day, this country is a bigoted hellhole. I look forward to the inevitable torrent of hate I will no doubt receive from Mr. Linehan and his colleagues, which will boost this article’s coverage and make it the most popular thing I’ve ever written.

Sorry, I got distracted. Anyway, back to my main point.

If the Fringe has gotten too stagnant and isn’t finding stuff that is truly worth seeking out, perhaps it is time to move on to pastures new. I know that some of the locals might find this problematic given the amount of money tourists bring into the city during August, but I suspect that there are just many locals who will no doubt like to see the Fringe and everyone who comes along with it kicked out.

Given that the Fringe is partly notable for the fact that it is full of English comics coming to plague the Scottish capital, perhaps the English comics should stay in England and make an English city the new home of English comedy. Perhaps we should boost the profile of the Leicester Comedy Festival or the Brighton Fringe. Maybe we should start afresh and create a big festival in a place that needs the money. As a Teessider, I for one would much rather see a massive Teesside Comedy Festival that the Stockton International Riverside Festival (look it up).

I know that the idea of scrapping the entire Fringe is radical. The festival has certainly given me some of the best moments of my life – and in the case of last year, a badly repaired wooden chair which I fixed on stage during Julia Masli’s show, a photo of which appeared in the New York Times, and which I somehow managed to get on the train back home and is now in my flat.

But given all the complaints about perhaps it is now time to do something different. As one of the Malcolm Hardee Award judges I for one would love to see something radical in his spirit, not just in the comic aspects of the festival, but in the entire thing. Just don’t go the whole hog by renting a boat, getting drunk and accidentally drowning, as he did. That’s a bit too far.

Also, on a more selfish note, if we did scrap the Fringe, it would make things more peaceful for me.

To sum up the Fringe – in the words of The Damned: ‘Smash it up!’ To reference Metallica: ‘Kill ‘em All’. And to misquote Half Man Half Biscuit: ‘Keep Mrs Fleabag right out of sight, ‘cos there’s gonna be a riot down in the Cowgate tonight!’

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Published: 27 Jul 2024