I want him to be proud, says Nalini Sharma, I just don't want him to see my boobs

If there is one piece of unsolicited advice I can offer the comedy community is this: try not to post invites to your show publicly where your father will find them. 

Don’t get me wrong, my father is a wonderful man. I love him very much. We have a good relationship actually. One that’s filled with mutual adoration, respect and love.

 Do I wish he was around more often during my childhood while he was off at sea in the Navy? Sure. Have I forgiven him? Of course. Has he forgiven me for not going to medical school and pursuing a career that pays in half-drunk beer cans? Probably not. Do I consider this being even? Yes. 

He has worked so hard all his life so I can afford to pursue my passions in life. The privilege that I have gained from his sweat and tears is not lost on me. How else can I afford the therapy I need to work out my issues with him?

Does this, however, mean that he should be allowed to come to my comedy show, one in which I will be getting naked? No. Hard pass. Absolutely not. Niet. I don’t need this for me or for him in our lives.

When my dad first told me that he had bought tickets to my show, I told him to get a refund. When he insisted, I told him that if he did come, he would have to leave before I started my final act (no spoilers here but you can guess what happens). Then, get this. He gets upset. 

He thinks I’m asking him to leave because I think of him as a doesn’t get it, not-woke boomer who needs to die off before the world can get any better. There are some who I absolutely feel this way about, but I reassure him, ‘Dearest Father, you are not one of them. You voted for Obama for God’s sake. There’s more work to do, right, for all of us, yes, but I know you’ve come a long way.’

Then he says, ‘I love homosexuals. When I was in the Navy, I saw sailors being gay all the time.’ Excuse me? I’m sorry. WHAT.

He continues: ‘Sailors. Out at sea. Gay. All the time.’ I start to explain: ‘That’s not why I don’t want you to see my show.’ Undeterred and on a mission to showcase his open-mindedness, he says: ‘The things I’ve seen…’

I interrupt: ‘Can you stop. Please? Dad, you can’t come to my show because I’m doing a burlesque act.’ Unsure as to what that meant, and showing his age and naivety he asks: ‘The can-can dance?’

This leaves us both confused. ‘The what?’ Seemingly stuck on this subject he repeats himself: ‘If you’re doing gay things…’ I had no choice but to be crystal clear: ‘Me not wanting you there has nothing, NOTHING, to do with homosexuality!’

I haven’t yet explained to him what burlesque is and why he really shouldn’t come to this show. Because here’s the thing, when fathers are being that stubborn about supporting you, you mess with them even harder. 

I can’t wait for my boyfriend and my dad to have something in common to talk about at Thanksgiving (read: my boobs). 

I kid. 

The truth is I want him to come see it. I want to share with him how a vital part of my childhood shaped my life. How the people I met, on the brink of their deaths along the way affected me more than they’ll ever know. How fun, joy and humour can ease any pain. I want to make him proud even though he says he already is. I want him to see that a career in comedy can be meaningful.

I know he’s not going to get it. Like at all. I’m pretty sure he’s going to ask me why there was a bat in the show, considering bats don’t get admitted to hospitals. But how else are we, as a generation (hi, millennial here), going to grow without learning and understanding from our past? Isn’t that our job as artists? And isn’t it our job to share our stories? 

If we were taught from our history, from the boomers and pre-boomers and the boomers that came before them, why can’t they also learn from us? This is the future. Us. And if we share the planet together then we need to take the time, the effort to learn from each other.

Hope you take what you can get from this advice.

Ironically, giving unsolicited advice is something my Dad does often and I’m sure will offer you plenty if you happen to run into him in Edinburgh. 

If you’re a comedian and you end up in the same situation and your Dad comes to your comedy show, I would recommend talking to him and break through the barriers that have you both stuck in the era of your ways. And, you know, blindfold him and send him on an errand while the Rated R material happens.

• Nalini Sharma’s  theatre and clown show Until Death is on at TheSpace @ Surgeons Hall at 10.10pm

Published: 7 Aug 2023