Harriet Dyer recalls her most embarrassing Edinburgh experience; what she can't get enough of at the festival; and the worst thing about the Fringe. Apart from the cost of accommodation, obviously...

Fringe cringe

One year there were nine of us sharing one bathroom and every morning we’d all be standing waiting to use it.

Once another act yawned and for whatever reason I had my mouth open at the time and accidentally ate her morning breath yawn.

Fringe binge

My favourite part of the festival is being away for the best part of a month. I appreciate this very much so since my partner's kids moved in with us. I love them dearly but a break from their feral vibes is very much appreciated.

Most people say that it’s too long but I would argue it’s not enough.

I’m staying at the uni halls and love it because you get your own toilet. I cannot express how much I’m looking forward to this.

In fact to increase the earnings I might start a Free Fringe venue in my en suite - It’ll hold just one person sitting opposite me in the sink and I’ll be maintaining eye contact through the entirety. I’ll be on the toilet, obviously.

Anyway, it’ll be heavenly to not be wading in little boy wee for a month. They seem to be incapable of aiming properly; sprinting off mid wee to return to their Fortnite game. Screaming into a mic and pissing as they go.

Fringe whinge

A couple of Fringes ago I bumped into an act with cerebral palsy, I asked how his Fringe was going and he exasperatingly said he just wished Edinburgh was flat and it was then I realised that for all our concerns about numbers and whatnot there are acts that struggle to gain access to half the buildings, because as beautiful the city is it’s mainly stairs and hills.

Of course it’s not possible to steamroll the place flat, but more venues could definitely work on better accessibility.

• Harriet Dyer: Trigger Warning is on at Gilded Balloon Patter Hoose at 4.20pm