The Varnishing Days is the heart-stopping, glasses-dropping, hard-rocking, wig-shaking, levothyroxine-taking, knee-knocking, boot-licking, justifying, teeth rattling, digressing new show from stand-up comedian to the stars John Kearns. Go silent as I walk on! Acknowledge when something funny happens! Leave discussing dinner plans! Others will be implicated. Points will be circled and missed. Hell, it’s a man trying his best! When I visit your town, dogs will start barking, as will clergy. Your microwave will go haywire. The lights in your vestibule will flicker and the Bank of England will nervously look at interest rates. On the day I write this, the pound has hit an all-time low against the dollar. Mark my words. This show will break that record again and again and again.
Upcoming Dates
Date: Thu 1 Feb 2024
Venue: Cardiff Sherman Theatre
Price: £18.50
Show starts: 20:00 (Doors open approx 30 mins earlier)
Date: Sat 3 Feb 2024
Venue: Newcastle Stand
Price: £18.50
Show starts: 16:00 (Doors open approx 30 mins earlier)
Date: Sun 4 Feb 2024
Venue: York The Crescent
Price: Please contact venue or promoters
Show starts: 19:30 (Doors open approx 30 mins earlier)
Date: Sat 10 Feb 2024
Venue: Leicester The Y Theatre
Price: £18.50
Show starts: 15:00 (Doors open approx 30 mins earlier)
Date: Sun 18 Feb 2024
Venue: Bristol 1532 Performing Arts Centre
Price: £18.50
Show starts: 19:30 (Doors open approx 30 mins earlier)
Date: Wed 21 Feb 2024
Venue: Birmingham Glee Club
Price: £18.50
Show starts: 19:30 (Doors open approx 30 mins earlier)
Date: Sat 2 Mar 2024
Venue: Glasgow Oran Mor
Price: Please contact venue or promoters
Show starts: 20:00 (Doors open approx 30 mins earlier)
Date: Sun 10 Mar 2024
Venue: Sheffield The Leadmill
Price: £18.50
Show starts: 19:30 (Doors open approx 30 mins earlier)
Date: Fri 15 Mar 2024
Venue: Royal Court Theatre
Price: Please contact venue or promoters
Two shows: 7pm and 9.30pm.
Date: Sat 16 Mar 2024
Venue: Liverpool St George's Hall
Price: £18.50
Show starts: 20:00 (Doors open approx 30 mins earlier)
Date: Sat 4 May 2024
Venue: Hove The Old Market
Price: £20.50
Show starts: 19:30 (Doors open approx 30 mins earlier)
Date: Fri 17 May 2024
Venue: Hull Truck Theatre
Price: £20.00
Show starts: 19:30 (Doors open approx 30 mins earlier)
Date: Sun 19 May 2024
Venue: Coventry Warwick Arts Centre
Price: £18.50
Show starts: 19:30 (Doors open approx 30 mins earlier)
Date: Sat 25 May 2024
Venue: Leeds City Varieties
Price: £19.50
Show starts: 19:30 (Doors open approx 30 mins earlier)
Date: Thu 13 Jun 2024
Venue: Salford Lowry
Price: £20.00
Show starts: 20:00 (Doors open approx 30 mins earlier)
Reviews
John Kearns: The Varnishing Days
The thing about appearing on Taskmaster, John Kearns notes, is that ‘ticket sales go up… but the laughs, they go down.
22/06/2023