Striving for the perfect penis

The week's comedy trivia

  • Paris Hilton has rescued an injured Oompa-Loompa from a Miami comedy club.

  • Borat star Sacha Baron Cohen needed some help in the new Sweeney Todd movie – in the trouser department. ‘Yeah, we augmented,’ costume designer Colleen Atwood admitted, saying that ‘a little quilted thing’ helped fill the comic’s body-hugging trousers for his role as the demon barber’s arch-rival Adolfo Pirelli. But she was keen to achieve authenticity: ‘We tried different materials and different sizes and positions,’ she said. ‘You kind of forget what you're doing, and you're just sort of looking at what looks the best. I like that a lot of people think it's real.’

    Stephen Fry: ‘I have been blessed with two things – big feet and a big memory.’

  • Maybe Mohammed Fayed is on to something. At the Royal Variety show, Stephen K Amos joked that TV was so narrow-minded about black comedians he couldn’t get his own shows until Lenny Henry died. In the obligatory line-up afterwards, Prince Philip went up to Amos and said: ‘You’re the young man who wants Lenny Henry to die? That can be arranged…’

  • Michael Parkinson says he made Peter Kay what he is today. ‘He was my warm-up man, this little fat lad from Bolton,’ said the chat king. ‘I said, “Bugger off, Kay, go and learn how to be a comic”.’

  • Noel Fielding says he’s overwhelmed with the female attention he’s received on the back of the Mighty Boosh’s success. ‘It's like getting chatted up 1,000 times a year,’ he said. ‘Just weird. You know when a girl fancies you, or when you've got a chance with a girl, and to have that from so many girls, for not doing anything specific, so regularly - it's a bit of a headfuck. And you wouldn't believe how blatant they are!’ But he denied the much-reported rumour that he’d had a fling with Courtney Love, saying that when he went to her hotel room all they had was ‘a cup of peppermint tea

  • Russell Brand claims he found it hard to keep himself away from Rupert Everett on the set of St Trinian's, saying: "People ask, “Were you not tempted by those schoolgirls in the film?” I told them. ”They're children but Rupert Everett was a really tasty mistress. How I kept my hands off him was a mystery. ”’

  • OK, to explain that Paris Hilton story up top (although it does sound much better without the context). The heiress came to the aid of pint-sized performer Robin Sherwood, when the evening at Beacher's Madhouse got rowdy. The crowd rushed the stage, shoving Sherwood, who was in full costume and orange makeup, into a metal stage support, slicing open his leg. ‘Paris screamed for help and jumped up to move everyone away from him,’ says a witness. ‘She held Robin's hand and said the sweetest things to keep him calm.’ Sherwood needed 50 stitches.

SOURCES: NY Daily News, E! Online, Daily Express, thelondonpaper , Hello! , Evening Standard Daily Mail, NY Daily News

Published: 14 Dec 2007

We see you are using AdBlocker software. Chortle relies on advertisers to fund this website so it’s free for you, so we would ask that you disable it for this site. Our ads are non-intrusive and relevant. Help keep Chortle viable.