Elf Lyons on the best and worst of the Edinburgh Fringe

As she returns to the Edinburgh Fringe, Elf Lyons talks about what she can't get enough of; complains about the worst thing about the festival (apart from the cost of accommodation, obviously); and recalls her most embarrassing Edinburgh experience…

Fringe Binge

Romances.

If you don’t have a Fringe crush, you are missing out on one of the most necessary and joyous parts of the marathon that is the festival.

Give me limerence. Give me yearning. Give me a secret off-campus crush or a love affair that is only sustainable when you are both only working one hour of the day, in a place where you are both within walking distance of The Space at the Ibis and living off crêpes. 

If you are in a relationship, pretend to remeet your partner every day as you bump into one another at Monkey Barrel. 

Like an old crone, I love spotting the romances early on. Observing two comedians randomly meet on a mixed bill in the first week… ‘Oh! You like [insert comedian]? Me too?! Wow! We should be friends…’

Then you see them in a hipster coffee shop a week later ‘working on some jokes’, then you see them talking closely at the Pleasance Courtyard about a show they 'by chance saw together', then you see them drunkenly playing table tennis at the Dave party, and then BOOM... two months later, when you're scrolling on Instagram, you see pictures of them on holiday together in Thailand.

Yes, it may all implode. YES, it may be a disaster, YES, it MAY end up as their next year's Edinburgh show, but you know what…

ROMANCE IS FUN.

Don't lose faith. Yes, it can be CHAOS, but do it again. Give me an awkward kiss at Greyfriars Bobby after we've both died on our holes at Late N Live any time. We'll laugh about it when we do it again a year later.

The Fringe is hard. Add some melodrama to the mix.

Fringe Whinge 

I have three. 

BLOKES WHO USE REVIEWING AS THEIR OPPORTUNITY TO PICK UP WOMEN. 

We see you. We know who you are. We are coming for you. We will sacrifice you at the next Full Moon. Your stars mean nothing to us. We will chew on your bones like the maenads and tear you apart as we dance in the Meadows bathed in your blood.

CLIQUES

I get it. You are insecure. You want others to know you are cool. Guess what? We are all insecure and none of us are cool. So just smile and bring everyone into the conversation. You're not Regina George. You are an adult who has paid for a poster of your face to be next to a Tesco. Calm the fuck down.

THE TICKET SALES CONVERSATION: 

When I ask someone how they are, and they immediately tell me how ticket sales are, or how the review they got reads like a four... BORING. 

Tell me about you, not metrics. What are you SEEING this Fringe. Where do you think we go when we die? What do you think of entropy? You're at the world's biggest arts festival. Do you really want to be talking about ticket sales? Is that REALLY what you want to be talking about at 2am in an arts bar surrounded by magicians? Someone may have a crush on you! 

Crucially, none of this matters. We are not curing cancer. You are a clown. Get a crush. Have some water. Go to bed.

Fringe Cringe

My first proper comedy gig was at the Naked Cabaret at the Edinburgh Fringe. It was at C Venues at 11am. I was 18, naked, and booked to do a 20-minute set. I did it because you got a free buffet lunch.

 That should be enough to tell you that I feel no cringe. My soul is asbestos. Embarrassment is an emotional state I only think you should feel if you were rude or made someone feel bad. If it was anything else, you did it for the plot.

• Elf Lyons is The Woman on the Edge is on at 9.30pm in the Pleasance Courtyard during the Edinburgh Fringe.

Published: 21 Jul 2026