Emergency Question: If your house was on fire what three items would you definitely leave behind? | ...or even surreptitiously throw into the flames when no one was looking

Emergency Question: If your house was on fire what three items would you definitely leave behind?

...or even surreptitiously throw into the flames when no one was looking

Every day until the end of the Fringe, we're asking one of Richard Herring's Emergency Questions from the RHLSTP podcast to comedians. Here's today's batch of insights...

We have a teddy bear made out of the clothes of my wife's dead father, it was given to us as touching gift to remember him by, it's horrendous. I call it death bear. It's like a haunted Paddington. Can't throw it away. Can't stick it in the loft. That'd go in the flames.  Garrett Millerick whose show Just Trying to Help  is on at Monkey Barrel at 11:25pm

Cotton buds, soup and my boyfriend's key oard. The keyboard on fire would feel like a Billy Joel music video. I've always wanted to burn cotton buds and pretend mice are having a sectarian bonfire. Is it possible to set soup on fire? let's find out from this tragedy.  Alison Spittle whose show Wet is on at Pleasance Courtyard at 4:45pm

Passport, birth certificate, clubcard. Clean slate. It's a fresh start for the Crizard boys. Crizards whose show Cowboys is on at Assembly at 10:15pm

We would leave a fox, a chicken and a sack of grain. Speaking from experience, they are an absolute drag to get across the river.  Cory Peter Lane, Jeremy Elder and Hunter Saling whose show Business Casual: Feral is on at Gilded Balloon at 8:20pm

The laptop with my search history "'how to get away with it’  Emo Majok whose show African Aussie is on at Underbelly at 8:30pm

A plaque I got for doing a corporate, a bad bottle of absinthe and some pork fats so at least the disaster has a lovely scent  Sam See whose show Sam See: Government Approved Sex is on at Laughing Horse @ Counting House, The Attic at 7:30pm

The jeans I’ve been meaning to fix for almost a year (so that I’d finally stop feeling guilty about not fixing them), a big scented candle (just to see what happen), and the bottle of anchovy sauce that’s been in my fridge for an undeterminable amount of time… At this point, I think only fire can put an end to it.  Ailis Duff whose show Notflix: Binge is on at Gilded Balloon at 5:00pm

My husband? Casey Balsham whose show Inconceivable  is on at The Mash House at 5:34pm

My broken mattress from when I was a baby, the dried-up highlighter from 2005 that I've been holding onto, and a paper copy of the dictionary. Rebecca Kaplan whose show Arielle Dundas and Rebecca Kaplan: Parfait is on at Laughing Horse @ City Cafe at 12:05am

I was about to say my 3 house plants as despite them being easy-care, for some reason they are all really twisted and sinister looking. They're alive, but aesthetically it feels like they're auditioning to be in a Tim Burton film. That said, I just looked over at them and felt really guilty typing this.  I am apparently more attached to my ugly plant emporium than I thought.   Vix Leyton whose show Pedestrian is on at  Just The Tonic at 2:40pm

Tax records. Tax records. Tax records.  Jake Cornell whose show Man & Woman is on at Assembly at 6:15pm

Our wheelie suitcase, that sock with a hole in the big toe that I keep forgetting to chuck and any cushion I find. God I hate cushions.  Tom Skelton whose show 2020 Visions (What if I hadn't gone blind?) is on at Underbelly at 7:15pm

Only three? My partner's cargo shorts. He has 6 (SIX) cargo shorts (barf) so I'd bundle them into pairs so I can burn them all and stick to this rigid ‘only three’ rubric. Dalia Malek whose show Another Castle is on at Just the Tonic at 3:15pm

My bed, my wardrobe and my toilet. I'm not lugging them about.  Tom Little whose show Tom Little Has Good Reviews So Prepare to Be Impressed is on at Subway at 3:45pm

Easy. The signed photo of John Virgo, the framed photo of John Virgo, and the laminated photo of John Virgo.  The Awkward Silence whose show The Awkward Silence's Big Break is on at Gilded Balloon at 2:20pm

Published: 17 Aug 2022

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