Emergency Question: What's the worst experience you've ever had in a hotel? | Edinburgh Fringe comedians answer © Frank Cone/Pexels

Emergency Question: What's the worst experience you've ever had in a hotel?

Edinburgh Fringe comedians answer

Every day until the end of the Fringe, we're asking one of Richard Herring's Emergency Questions from the RHLSTP podcast to comedians. Here's today's batch of insights... RHLSTP is also at the Assembly Rooms at 13:00 until August 14. Tickets.

Upon leaving the hotel I found a small poo underneath my bed. I had been staying there for a week.   Lily Phillips whose show Smut is on at Pleasance Courtyard  at 7:25pm

An AirBnB I stayed in had these little white chocolates on the pillow. Except AirBnBs don't do that, that's hotels, and I had bitten into a bar of soap.  Christian Brighty whose show Christian Brighty: Playboy is on at Pleasance Courtyard at 9:40pm

I once stayed in a B&B where the owner had mounted their dead dog's legs on the wall as a macabre tribute. Well, I pray it was dead.  David Ephgrave whose show Good Grief - Edinburgh Fringe 2022 at Chortle.co.uk">David Ephgrave: Good Grief is on at Just the Tonic at the Caves at 2:40pm

Walked in once on two hotel staff having sex in my room in Prague. I apologised for disturbing them and left immediately.  Bella Hull whose show Babycakes is on at Pleasance Courtyard at 5:41pm

I arrived in a hotel room, it smelled of stank. Stank is the smell of sex in an enclosed space. There was also a lot of bottles or ear medicine fluid. Too many, I feared they were involved with the manufacture of stank.  Alison Spittle whose show Wet is on at Pleasance Courtyard at 4:45pm

A family-sized bout of salmonella. We were too ill to help each other. It was a kind of tragedy.  Alex MacKeith whose show Thanks for Listening  is on at Underbelly at 2:45pm

When I used the kettle to make a cup of tea. Tasted funny. Then read the internet. Never again.  Iain MacDonald whose show Pundemic is on at Three Sisters at 10:45am

Spunk stains on the mirror above the bed. Faye Treacy whose show Where's Your Head At? is on at The Globe at 7:15pm

I slept-walked out of a hotel room in Luxembourg in my underwear and had to go to the concierge to be let back in. I don’t know the Luxembourgish for ‘Look at how gay those underwear are’ but I understood what they were saying on a deeply human level.Kathy Maniura & Derek Mitchell  whose show Horseplay: Bareback is on at Underbelly at 10:30pm

It was actually in Edinburgh. It was a really shitty hotel, but luckily I was only staying there for a few days. The staff looked like extras in Trainspotting. On the last night I went to bed super early, because I just couldn't wait for it to be morning so that it can be over. Late at night a couple came back from a party and started to have sex in the room next to me. The walls were paper thin. It kept me up for hours. And I couldn't even knock on the wall and ask them to stop, because I was scared the guy would come next door and beat me up. I mean, he sounded big and strong and aggressive by the noises he made. And, like I said, it kept me awake for HOURS. Who goes for HOURS?!  Schalk Bezuidenhout whose show I'll Make Laugh To You (Like You Want Me To) is on at Gilded Balloon at 7:40pm

In a £20 a night Bed and Breakfast in Swansea the manager insisted on reading me a poem. Sean McLoughlin whose show So Be It is on at Pleasance Courtyard at 7:55pm

Nick: I worked as a bellboy at one for two years. Our uniform was short shorts. EVERYBODY thought we were prostitutes.  Brian McElhaney whose show BriTANicK is on at Assembly at 7:45pm

Christian Brighty and I  were performing in Kilkenny and had been put up in a bed and breakfast, but because we had to leave so early for our flight we were going to miss breakfast. The host made a big fuss about how they wouldn’t let that happen, and that they’d prepare something for us in advance. We came downstairs to two bowls of warm yoghurt.  Luke Rollason whose show Bowerbird is on at Monkey Barrel at 12:30pm

I was once hungover and vomited with such force that I fainted, fell backwards and hit my head on a metal doorstop. I hit the surprising sharp doorstop with such force that it cut an inch-long gash in the top of my head and I had to go to hospital for stitches. Beat that! Tom Little whose show Tom Little Has Good Reviews So Prepare to Be Impressed is on at Subway at 3:45pm

I once stayed in a really crap hotel outside Wigan that had a portrait of Henry VIII over the toaster in the dining room.  Milo Edwards whose show Voicemail is on at The Mash House at 4:35pm

I once stayed in a hotel room that had a bloody bogie smeared on the wall by the bed.   Lucy Frederick whose show Lucy Frederick's Big Fat Wedding is on at Gilded Balloon Patterhoose at 3:40pm

Completely unprintable, but there is a hostel in Glasgow I will never return to.  Alasdair Beckett-King whose show Nevermore is on at Pleasance Courtyard at 7:00pm

Cockroaches in the shower in Leningrad (as it was then). And a tiny portion of anaemic tinned peas as the vegetable at dinner. Donna Landy whose show Oy Gay! is on at Bar50 at 10:15pm

Being locked out of my room after a wedding and through a combination of drunkenness and blindness, wandering the corridors in just my pants for quite some time. The night porter did eventually bring me a blanket in pity then showed me to my room (once I'd remembered it).  Tom Skelton whose show 2020 Visions (What if I hadn't gone blind?) is on at Underbelly at 7:15pm

A Sauvignon Blanc served at room temperature. Marcel Lucont whose show Marcel Lucont Etc. - A Chat Show is on at Just The Tonic at 6:30pm

Published: 9 Aug 2022

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