Chris Turner's Fringe cringe, binge and whinge

Chris Turner recalls his most embarrassing Edinburgh experience; what he can't get enough of at the festival; and the worst thing about the Fringe. Apart from the cost of accommodation, obviously…

Edinburgh binge 

My last Edinburgh run was in 2018, so I’m just excited to be back in a city that means so much to me. I met my wife in Edinburgh, proposed to her there, and this year we’re having our daughter christened in the cathedral.

My love for the city is tied up with my love for the festival, and spending a month in a place that has played such an important part in my life and career feels simultaneously reassuring and exciting. That being said, three days into August you can expect to find me cursing the capital’s sodden cobbles while pushing a pram up yet another fifteen degree gradient.

Edinburgh cringe

In 2016 at the old Pleasance Beside, while welcoming people into the venue, I had a punter tell me how excited he was for the show, how he had bought the tickets months ago, and how he’d persuaded his girlfriend to come along.

His girlfriend was very drunk, and upon sitting down next to the lighting and sound consoles, asked my tech Harry, ‘What happens if I pull all these cables out of the back of this thing?’. He explained that it would shut off all the sound and lights.

As soon as I walked onstage, she yanked all the cables out, and the room lurched into quiet darkness. The bemused embarrassment of her apologetic boyfriend as he immediately led her from the room was that of a man betrayed. This is also the story of how I met my wife in Edinburgh. Just kidding.

(As my answer is one of second-hand embarrassment, I will share that in 2014 I used to end my show by popping off a denim jacket to reveal a basketball jersey, and proceeding to rap. It pumped the crowd up quite a bit, but I then got into the habit of walking back to my flat wearing just the basketball jersey, my twiggish arms hanging out for all to see. I didn’t feel embarrassed at the time, but I’m sure others felt embarrassed for me.)

Edinburgh whinge 

I adore Edinburgh, but I do expect the fact I’m flying straight there after three months of performing with Cirque Du Soleil in Las Vegas means that I’m going to have a few culture-shock complaints. Why isn’t everything open 24 hours? Why can’t I play Kiss-themed mini golf? Why aren’t the other performers in my venue cheerful and fearless South Americans who have been doing an act called The Wheel Of Death since they were five years old?

Fun fact: The wheel of death performers in our show are the number one ranked wheel of death duo in the world. Sad fact: They used to be ranked number two.

• Chris Turner: Rap God is on at Pleasance Dome at 8.10pm

Published: 12 Aug 2022