If you got on Dragons’ Den, what product would you pitch? | Another from Richard Herring's stock of Emergency Questions

If you got on Dragons’ Den, what product would you pitch?

Another from Richard Herring's stock of Emergency Questions

A second referendum.     Lucy Farrett: Lois, Underbelly, 17:00

The poover. It's a hoover I invented a while ago to suck up your dog's shit from the pavement so you don't have to pick it up. I'll be honest, it's not the best at doing it and cleaning the device after it's gone wrong is worse than actually just picking the shit up in the first place.    Simon Caine, Every Room Becomes a Panic Room When You Overthink, Sweet Venues, 20:35

A hat which can become a cocoon to get you out of awkward encounters at parties.     Archie Maddocks, Big Dick Energy, Mash House, 16:50

Dressed as the Ghost of Christmas Future, I'd unveil a guillotine, and explain that if the Dragons don't start paying corporation tax, we the people shall rise up and soon they shall feel the ice-hot blade upon their neck. I'd shout ‘Think on your sins!’ then disappear in a plume of smoke. I'm hoping for at least Deborah Meaden.    Alexander Fox, Snare, Pleasance, 18:00 

A zapping device to find out whether other peoples' kids really do have the food allergies they lay claim to    Cally Beaton, Invisible, Assembly George Square Studios, 17:10

Absolutely wouldn't say it here. My idea is pure gold. Dragon's only!      Flora Anderson, Romantic, Underbelly, 15:10

An app that tells you what good things to say in every social situation     Naz Osmanoglu – Scandinaveland, Just The Tonic at The Caves, 16:50

Car Bib. (© Us).    Scottish Falsetto Sock Puppet Theatre: Roll Up!, Gilded Balloon, 21:30

I have always wanted to set up a travel company for people who like pets but can't have one at home. There would be a feline one called Tabby Cabbies, where you could play with a kitten during your journey, and the one with puppies would be Cabradors. And for people who love pets but are a bit scared of live ones, you could travel with a stuffed one by ordering from Taxidermy.    Rachel Creeger, Hinayni!, Underbelly, 12:10

It’s a service called ‘Heaven’. You’re getting a deep tissue massage while being fed a burrito and listening to a recording of your parents saying: ‘We’re proud of you. We’re proud of you. We’re proud of you.’   Zach Zimmerman, Clean Comedy, Gilded Balloon, 22:45

We'd pitch the 'beige fleece' - the amazing invisibility device and the secret that middle aged dog walkers and defeated northern women have been keeping for years. Pop on a beige fleece and you'll be completely invisible in no time. Available in all good northern markets, next to the big throws with wolves on.    Northern Power Blouse, Touching Cloth, Opium, 15:35

iPod. Imagine the audacity.     Hayden Wood, Confetti & Chaos, The Principal, 17:00

Tickets for Richard Herring's Edinburgh show are available here.

Published: 21 Aug 2019

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