by Richard Soames

1. You should book accommodation

Probably not an issue for most people, but for some reason I didn’t do this for my first Edinburgh. And it’s not because I’m a free spirit or because I had a tent and a hope that people didn’t look in their gardens, I just assumed I would find a place while I was up there. My Dick Whittington optimism turned out to be justified but only after a week of couch surfing and turning my friends into enemies. And dealing with that while trying to do a show at the same time almost broke me.

2. You should bring some money

That sounds like an extract from a letter for a school trip but at my first Edinburgh I discovered it is quite expensive. And even if you’re avoiding the pretty steep venue costs by being on the free fringe, you still have to pay accommodation (see above), food, drink, travel, more food, any paid shows you might want to see, those props you forgot to buy, still more food, a colander because the place you’re staying doesn’t have one for some reason and food, all at a rate of about twice what it should be. So double your budget. It’s worth* it though.

* probably**

** maybe***

***TBD

3. You should eat and drink stuff that isn’t burgers and beer

In terms of drinks, smoothies and lemon and honey have saved my voice for the past three years, but I did not know of their power for my first Edinburgh. Food-wise, I think you just have to eat as you are at the moment… Don’t stop eating vegetables. Carry on not having a takeaway every night. Continue to eat items of sustenance.

4. You should bring shoes that are waterproof

And I haven’t had trench foot since.

5. You should talk to people when you flyer

There’s a balance to be struck here, because you don’t want to put people off, but I think it’s far more effective to engage in a conversation with people if you want them to invest in the idea of maybe seeing your show at some point possibly, rather than just handing out a flyer and assuming it’s the only one they’ve had all day. Especially for my first Edinburgh, I wish I’d known to just have a little, honest chat about the show. Instead I effectively threw a small glossy forest into the wind.

6. You should enjoy Edinburgh the city

Edinburgh is a really beautiful city. It’s very easy to forget that and get sucked head first into the Fringe Bubble, but I really recommend lying under the sun in Princes Street gardens or climbing Arthur’s Seat for reasons other than a drunken epiphany at 4am, or just looking at some stone walls and reminding yourself that there’s also a stunning city underneath the trade fair.

7. You shouldn’t watch that student theatre piece about Europe, shopping and time travel

That would have saved me an hour.

8. You should listen to what people are saying (not the internet)

It sounds cheesy and simple but the best form of advertising a show at The Fringe is to have a good show. Audience members talk to each other and recommend shows they’ve enjoyed to other people. One of the most unforgettable shows I’ve ever seen in Edinburgh I went to based purely on a couple of recommendations I’d heard on the grapevine. And that was Doctor Brown’s free show in 2011. So people know what they’re talking about.

9. You shouldn’t promise to see someone’s show

Now I’m a nice person but if you’re performing in Edinburgh, you will accidentally or otherwise flyer someone already doing a show who will accidentally or otherwise hand you their flyer in exchange for yours and both of you will accidentally or otherwise agree to see each other’s show. But you won’t.

So unless it’s something you actually really would rather like to see the best course of action is to say 'I’d love to, I’ll try my best' or – and this is not nice – pretend your shows clash. If you go with the latter option it is imperative that you have not already exchanged the flyers which detail the precise time and location of your show.

10.You should know there is probably not someone you’ll meet who will put you on TV immediately

Ok, so I accept it may be possible to meet someone who will put you on TV right away and it’s definitely possible to meet someone who will say they will, but if you’re really serious about comedy, the likelihood is it will take years of hard work and not a month of drinking late, laughing at the right people’s jokes and working your eyes around a room.

BUT it is a chance to meet a plethora of interesting people all with similar/different but equally interesting aims to you. And that, in the long run, is far better for you as a human and a comedian.

• Richard Soames Does the Right Thing is on at Underbelly George Square at 18:50 from today.

Published: 5 Aug 2015