Tania Lacy says that at 58 she's encountering more pushback than ever

I’m 58, which makes me old. Yeah, yeah, ‘age is only a number’, I’ve heard it a million times, only ever from old people though. Rather like how only rich people say ‘money doesn’t buy you happiness’.

I’m quite at home with the fact that I’m old. I know I’m old because when I walk into the green room at an open mic night, I hear the whispers… ‘Quick, put the joint away, Mrs Lacy’s here.’ You’re damn right Mrs Lacy is here and I’ll tell you something else; while my knees can still hold me up, I have no plans to be anywhere else but on a stage telling jokes. 

‘No need to come on so strong, lady. Comedy is an art form that transcends age, gender, and any other societal boundaries, right?’ That’s hilarious, I used to think that too. 

Alas, now more than ever, I find I’m having to fight for my place. Actually, that’s wrong, it’s not a fight, it’s more subtle than that. It’s a level of pushback that was not there before, ‘before’ meaning when I was young and pretty.

I know this pushback is something to do with my age because people have actually said, ‘it’s your age’ like, to my face, without me even asking their opinion. I’m talking about promoters and booking agents, male and female. 

Sometimes, they say something like ‘you’re not our target audience’. And I would be willing to buy that if I didn’t see so many middle-aged men on comedy stages all over the world. ‘But Tania, that’s because there are not as many middle-aged women doing comedy.’ True. Has anyone bothered to ask why? I liken it to reporting a sexual assault. While they continue to make it so damn hard, one does have to consider whether it’s really worth it. 

It seems we’re all very happy to watch and listen to middle-aged men tell jokes. I’m the first to admit, it can be strangely comforting. You just kind of kick back and laugh along with everyone else. His age doesn’t even enter our thoughts. Maybe we even find him a little bit sexy. A funny guy is always sexy, even if he has got a face like a slapped arse. 

A middle-aged woman, on the other hand, that is very confronting. Period. Throw in the ‘being funny’ bit and wow, suddenly people are on the edge of their seats. ‘What is she going to say next? Oh my God, she’s talking about having sex??!!’

I really believe a visible ageing woman creates a tension that is simply too much for people to bear. A lot of post-menopausal women talk about the very real cloak of invisibility that befalls us. I’ve noticed it. Guys used to check me out. Not any more. I can’t even get noticed at the deli-counter and I’m not even trying to make them laugh, I just want 250g of double-smoked ham.  

There’s a certain expectation that comes with ageing and a woman performing comedy doesn’t come close to meeting those expectations. Thank God. 

I’ve never been one for living up to the expectations of others. In fact, that’s one of the reasons stand-up comedy was so attractive to me. I thought it would offer me more autonomy over my career. Real freedom, I thought. Oh, the irony. 

Oh well, who cares. I refuse to stop, slow down or whatever else I’m supposed to be doing at my age. I’m just going to keep pushing against the pushback until seeing an old woman on stage becomes normal. 

Although, there’s a part of me that kind of wishes it doesn’t. I like people sitting on their edge of their seats, wondering what I’m going to say next. You should come find out. Maybe you’ll even find me a little bit sexy. That’s my time, thank you very much, goodnight!

• Tania Lacy will be performing her stand-up show Everything’s Coming Up Roses at the Edinburgh Fringe. She will be  at Just The Tonic @ The Caves at 7.30pm from August 3 to 26.

Published: 26 Jun 2023