I’ve always thought there’s a dearth of shows that tackle both the fate of the England football team and transgender surgery. Not anymore!

The single inciting incident for this show is England crashing out of the World Cup in 2010. I watched the game at home with my parents and burst into tears, feeling like my world was ending. The loss was caused by one Thomas Muller, whose smart play between the lines was something us simple English minds just couldn’t handle.

But it turns out that Muller’s style, not being quite one thing or another, is not too far away from what my own life has turned into.

I’ve been investigating the possibility of getting bottom surgery. A lot of my last year has been spent in waiting rooms, on waiting lists and generally just waiting. There are all sorts of options available (none of them cheap let alone free, despite being healthcare) and I’ve ended up quite far down the road. But it’s an absolutely monumental life decision, and frankly I don’t know how I’m supposed to know whether it’s the right thing to do.

How do you know when you’re sufficiently sure? What voting system should you use? First past the post, where 50 per cent is enough? Or some kind of proportional representation, and end up with 90 per cent vagina, 10 per cent Lib Dem?

There are also other people to consider. It’s not something I think my parents would particularly approve of. Not that it’s their call, but I am planning on remaining cordial with them and their respective wills.

And my girlfriend, too. She’s spent a lot of the last year away from home for work but what if we want to start a family, or if she doesn’t like the end result?

With this particular kind of surgery, it can feel like the universe is conspiring against you. Firstly as mentioned, it is prohibitively expensive, even though for most who are seeking it, it is as necessary as any other medical procedure. There does not really exist a viable NHS route to get the surgery, which forces most trans people either into the private market or overseas.

And, as with much of the other healthcare we’re able to cobble together, the risks of doing either are significant. I personally know trans people who’ve had surgery in countries like Brazil and Armenia, and not to besmirch the fine medical establishments in either country, but, y’know.

I have friends who have spent their life savings. Many more who have ongoing Kickstarters or GoFundMes. Even simple charity is being made harder by the current atmosphere in the UK, let alone hoping for wider systemic or institutional change that right now feels very far away indeed.

I know that it’s exhausting to be made aware of more things in the world that require your activistic attention. In some ways, it feels like quite a middle-class struggle. Gender recognition is probably some way down the list compared to 2026’s other big hitters of child poverty, environmental collapse and genocide. But is it necessary that it be this hard? What’s the point? Why would anyone want it to be like this?

Spoiler alert for the show, but I’m not sure I have any good answers. But sometimes it’s easier to make jokes about penises instead.

Quite a lot of the art trans people make concerns their relationship to themselves, or some kind of metaphor for the transgender experience. Breaking free, changing the rules, pushing boundaries. Think Neo in the Matrix, or the white chicks in White Chicks.

I think it’s partially because that’s the part of our own journey that is most easily relatable to the majority of people. Everyone goes through change, everyone knows what it feels like not to belong. Everyone knows what it’s like when a system isn’t catered just for you.

But also it’s because we feel we’re pushing against something all the time, every minute of every day, and that process isn’t just an oppressive one, it also helps how we view ourselves. The boundary pushes us.

And it’s that tension that I find really interesting, and that’s what the show is about. In the past year, I’ve had a lot of give and take, with my parents, my partner, my work, my own body. But it’s in that negotiation that life happens.

Whether I get the surgery or not, the point (nice) is that it’ll be my decision either way.

The point is that even though he ruined my childhood, I respect Thomas Muller for his football intelligence.

• Dee Allum: Raumdeuter is on at  16:10 in the Pleasance Courtyard during the Edinburgh Fringe.