'I didn't give him a rectal exam in a hotel lobby'
• ‘I know my way around a set of hair straighteners.’ Jack Whitehall.
• The doctor who first spotted that Billy Connolly had Parkinson's disease has told of how he broke the news. Orthopaedic surgeon Dr Gary Fettke saw the symptoms - an awkward gait and expressionless face – as he watched the comic walk across a Los Angeles hotel lobby. He pointed out the problem, to be told by Connolly: 'Get fucked'. The medical man hit back: 'No, you get fucked, I really think there is a problem here.' On Fettke’s advice, Connolly visited his doctor and was diagnosed with slow-moving Parkinson’ and prostate cancer, for which he has had successful surgery. Fettke pointed out to the Daily Record that hehe had only diagnosed Parkinson’s – not cancer. 'I don’t want people thinking I gave him a rectal examination in a hotel lobby.'
• Comedy IS art:
• The Nottingham Post has calculated that Milton Jones's current tour costs 6p a joke – with 233 gags in a £15 preview.
• Sims 4 user Ian Roach is recreating the cast and locations of classic sitcoms including Seinfeld, Friends and Arrested Development in the virtual reality world. The sets are available within the game: search Origin ID ian8000 in The Gallery.
• Meanwhile have the cast of Friends reunited in London for the show's 20th anniversary?
No, it's just lookalike photographer Alison Jackson doing her thing again.
• When he wanted some help researching feminism for his BBC Three show, Omar Hamdi naturally enough turned to fellow comic Kate Smurthwaite for some advice, given how active she is on the subject. Unfortunately, she also has a good memory – and recalled him posting snide comments on Facebook during her Question Time appearance back in January. 'Nice to know that if I fail as a comic I can become a "commentator" and read out the Guardian on Question Time, passing off the opinions as my own,' he wrote. So in response to his plea for help this time, Smurthwaite wrote back: 'If you're looking for anecdotal evidence of online sexism you might start by looking at the obnoxious things you wrote about me on Facebook when I was on Question Time. If you care more about practical examples then perhaps you remember when we first met at Mirth Control Plumstead and you assumed I was venue staff. Then when I said I was the MC you sneered, "Well, I've never heard of you." Other than that if you think I'm going to help you get on TV you can stick it up your arse.' Ouch!
• Mel Brookes played the perfect prank when he left his handprint outside the TCL Chinese Theatre in Hollywood this week – he had a prosthetic sixth finder added to his left hand, just to leave a slightly different impression...
• Vic Reeves helped move three leopards in South Africa. The animals, Sami, Alam and Namira, had been sedated and were being moved to a new enclose in South Africa’s Shamwari Game Reserve. Reeves, who is a patron of the Born Free Foundation, said: 'You wouldn't want to go anywhere near them when they are awake'
• In a very meta episode, The Simpsons are to meet their more crudely drawn original versions, thanks to a spooky storyline in the annual Halloween Treehouse Of Horror episode airing in the States on October 19. It'll be a challenge for the actors who will have to try to recreate the voices of 20 years ago as well as the ones they use today.
• Tweets of the week
Cluedont (@cluedont): As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I suddenly realise that I've forgotten my wallet. Just as well. Pretty dodgy round here
Glenn Moore (@TheNewsAtGlenn): Humiliated myself at the Pistorius trial. Had no idea it's usually just the defendant who enters the court with a coat over their head.
Tow Twips via @1970RobD (@1970RobD): PRETEND you are David Cameron by starting every sentence with 'let me be absolutely clear on this' & generally being a twat.
Published: 12 Sep 2014