Hal Cruttenden
Nominated for best club comic in the 2012 Chortle awards, Hal Cruttenden originally trained as an actor at the Central School of Speech and Drama, and has appeared in the likes of Eastenders and Kavanagh QC.
But as a stand-up, his break came in 2002, when he was nominated for the Perrier best newcomer award for his solo show Hal. He is now a regular at most the big club on the circuit, and has performed around the world, including appearances at Montreal’s Just for Laughs and at Kilkenny Cat Laughs.
He is also a writer, with credits including BBC One’s Omid Djalili Show.
Hal Cruttenden Videos
Reviews
Comedy Hullabaloo Opening Gala

Comics have to play some dives in their line of work... but the Royal Shakespeare Company’s Courtyard Theatre is not, as many point out tonight, one of them. More used to the comedy of Love's Labour’s Lost than the stand-up riff-raff, the venue has been pressed into service for Stratford-upon-Avon’s first Hullaballoo Comedy Festival weekend, produced by the people behind Underbelly.
The town has a not-undeserved reputation for being very middle-class; an image confirmed when host Hal Cruttenden asked who was local, and hands shot up – not a lairy ‘wa-hay!’ to be heard. He was the perfect choice as MC, as bourgeois as the audience; terribly embarrassed about his social status that pangs his liberal conscience about inequality, even if he’s far too comfortable in life to do anything about it. It’s an honesty about the situation of so many Guardian-reading Middle Englanders that gives his gags a punch beyond the astute class observations.
It turns out that playing here was once an ambition of Cruttenden’s, since he trained as an actor before the plan B of comedy took over. ‘Did they employ me at the RSC?,’ he splutters with privileged upset. ‘Did they fuck! So I'm going to desecrate their stage with knob jokes.’ Though in truth, his sharp, witty routine about his ineffectual parenting, his timidity compared to his Northern Irish wife, and flimsy grasp of current affairs was far more stylish than that.
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Class plays a big role in Rob Beckett’s approach too, though from a very different perspective. He’s the epitome of the chipper working-class Londoner, even signing off with a cheery ‘be lucky’!
The Lewisham lad occupies similar comic territory to Micky Flanagan, which means he’s almost certain to come off the worse in any comparison. There are some strong jokes and accurate observations in his set, but also several that are more pedestrian, especially when it comes to his archetypal no-nonsense cab-driving dad. However Beckett has an appealing delivery – charismatic, confident and cheeky – that gets the very best out of the mixed grill he’s serving up.
Careering back up the social scale next, as Miles Jupp adopts an apologetic air of privilege, mumbling his ‘erms’ like a Hugh Grant parody. ‘I can play a clergyman, and that’s about it,’ he says of his image, which means he was perfect casting in Rev.
His hesitancy is in contrast to punchy Beckett, which means the laughs don’t roll quite so fast, but he knows how to fashion a delightful line on the end of what might appear to be floundering, revealing it all to be an act. His set mainly comprises of complaints about what shitholes – in his mind – he’s been forced to play before: Liverpool, Newcastle, Leeds, Harlow, great swathes of England beyond the gated estate you assume him to live on. His incomprehension, and occasional withering derision, of a world beyond that, certainly amuses.
Danny Bhoy closed the first half, and takes us away from class, aside from mining a few easy Scottish stereotypes at the head of his set. His is broad, observational comedy – and in fixing it on to petty consumer experiences, he reflects the everyday niggles that many in the audience will have got wound up about: forget global problems, isn’t the Ticketmaster website annoying?
His routine mixes eloquently-put observations of the sort we might all have noticed with a resigned indignation, which reaches its peak in a hilarious story of the swanky restaurant which insisted he wear a jacket. You can see where the anecdote is heading almost from the start, but he strings a yarn expertly well.
After the break, the political comedy of Matt Forde that was, frankly, a bit dry. He is a former Westminster insider, and certainly knows his stuff about party machinations and the importance of image, which makes the big personality of Nigel Farage a more appealing bet than the bland and vague ‘try-not-to-offend-anyone’ vacillations of Nick Clegg or Ed Miliband.
But like many inside the Westminster village, he’s more obsessed with the process and personalities than what issues might arouse real passion. He’s smart enough to know he has to explain some of this, which leads to set-ups that are too long, and payoffs that seem a little contrived. What if Chris Huhne, when he was in jail, found himself in an episode of Gordon Ramsey’s Gordon Behind Bars?!
Still, he knows the techniques of oratory very well, and flaunts them in a reading from Winnie The Pooh in various speakers’ rhythms, which is a strong ending to a set that has the odd wry gag, but is otherwise largely for the wonks alone.
It’s telling that both Cruttenden and headliner Ed Byrne got a bigger laugh from political stories, straight afterwards: Cruttenden from making the subject more personal, about his own ill-informed reaction to the news, and Byrne for creating a harsh but vivid character assassination of Huhne’s ex-Vicky Pryce, rather than offering a more straightforward commentary on events.
As for the rest of his set, Byrne was clearly on form. The instructor at the speed-awareness course he was forced to go on clearly didn’t appreciate his mischief-making wit; but when it comes to his exasperations with life as a father of two very young children and the vasectomy his wife insists on, Byrne makes the material seem very real, and very funny in a routine that was over too soon.
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Hal Cruttenden Dates
Sat 29 Jun 2013
- Covent Garden Comedy Club
- 20:00
- Call for prices
- Hal Cruttenden, Kate Smurthwaite, Mike Newall, Phil Buckley
Mon 1 Jul 2013
Book Now- Tattershall Castle
- 20:30~23:00
- £10 (£8 concs)
- Doc Brown, Mark Watson, Hal Cruttenden (MC)
Tue 2 Jul 2013
Book Now- St Albans Mokoko Cocktail Bar & Grill
- 20:00
- £12 (£10 in advance)
- Aisling Bea, Hal Cruttenden, Ian Smith, Lloyd Griffith
Wed 3 Jul 2013
- Coventry Careys
- 19:00~23:55
- £8.00 (£6.00 concs)
- David Mills, Hal Cruttenden, Laura Lexx
Fri 12 Jul 2013
Book Now- Ealing Comedy Festival
- 19:45
- £18.50
- Boy With Tape On His Face, Hal Cruttenden, Ian Stone, Jeff Innocent, John Mann, Kerry Godliman, Mickey Hutton, Ninia Benjamin, Paul Chowdhry, Paul Thorne, Paul Tonkinson, Raymond & Mr Timpkins Revue, Shappi Khorsandi, Simon Clayton, Special guest who cannot be named, Steve Best, Topping & Butch, Windsor
Sat 13 Jul 2013
Book Now- Ealing Comedy Festival
- 19:45
- £18.50
- Boy With Tape On His Face, Hal Cruttenden, Ian Stone, Jeff Innocent, John Mann, Kerry Godliman, Mickey Hutton, Ninia Benjamin, Paul Chowdhry, Paul Thorne, Paul Tonkinson, Raymond & Mr Timpkins Revue, Shappi Khorsandi, Simon Clayton, Special guest who cannot be named, Steve Best, Topping & Butch, Windsor
Wed 24 Jul 2013
Book Now- Farncombe Crack Comedy
- 20:30
- Adult - £9.00, Student - £5.00
- Hal Cruttenden, Hal Cruttenden
More Hal Cruttenden Dates …
Wed 24 Jul 2013
Book Now- Farncombe Crack Comedy
- 20:30
- Adult - £9.00, Student - £5.00
- Hal Cruttenden, Hal Cruttenden
Fri 26 Jul 2013
- Wallingford Corn Exchange
- 19:45~22:00
- £10
- Charlie Baker, Hal Cruttenden
Fri 26 Jul 2013
Book Now- Bluewater Glow
- 19:30
- £22.50 to £33.50
- Boy With Tape On His Face, Hal Cruttenden, Imran Yusuf, Lucy Porter, Patrick Monahan, Phil Nichol, Richard Herring
Fri 16 Aug 2013
- Hal Cruttenden: Tough Luvvie [Fringe 2013]
- Gilded Balloon Teviot
- 22:00~23:00
- £13 (£11)
Sat 17 Aug 2013
- Hal Cruttenden: Tough Luvvie [Fringe 2013]
- Gilded Balloon Teviot
- 22:00~23:00
- £13 (£11)
Sun 18 Aug 2013
- Hal Cruttenden: Tough Luvvie [Fringe 2013]
- Gilded Balloon Teviot
- 22:00~23:00
- £13 (£11)
Mon 19 Aug 2013
- Hal Cruttenden: Tough Luvvie [Fringe 2013]
- Gilded Balloon Teviot
- 22:00~23:00
- £13 (£11)
Thu 22 Aug 2013
- Comedy Gala In Aid Of Waverley Care 2013
- Edinburgh Playhouse [Fringe]
- 19:30
- Call for prices
Fri 23 Aug 2013
- Hal Cruttenden: Tough Luvvie [Fringe 2013]
- Gilded Balloon Teviot
- 22:00~23:00
- £13 (£11)
Sat 24 Aug 2013
- Hal Cruttenden: Tough Luvvie [Fringe 2013]
- Gilded Balloon Teviot
- 22:00~23:00
- £13 (£11)
Sun 25 Aug 2013
- Hal Cruttenden: Tough Luvvie [Fringe 2013]
- Gilded Balloon Teviot
- 22:00~23:00
- £13 (£11)
Mon 26 Aug 2013
- Hal Cruttenden: Tough Luvvie [Fringe 2013]
- Gilded Balloon Teviot
- 22:00~23:00
- £13 (£11)
Thu 19 Sep 2013
- Epsom Playhouse
- 20:00~21:30
- £15
Fri 20 Sep 2013
- Great Torrington Plough Arts Centre
- 20:00~21:30
- £15
Fri 4 Oct 2013
- Maidenhead Norden Farm Centre For The Arts
- 20:00~22:00
- £13
Sat 5 Oct 2013
- Guildford G Live
- 20:00~22:00
- £14
Wed 9 Oct 2013
- Harrogate Theatre
- 20:00~22:00
- £12 (£10 concs)
Fri 18 Oct 2013
- Hal Cruttenden: Tough Luvvie
- Burnley Mechanics
- 20:00
- Call for prices
Fri 1 Nov 2013
- Dartmouth The Flavel
- 20:00~22:00
- £14
Thu 7 Nov 2013
- Loughborough Town Hall
- 20:00~22:00
- £14 (£12 concs)
Fri 8 Nov 2013
- Beck Theatre
- 20:00~22:00
- £16 (£15 concs)
Wed 13 Nov 2013
- Bromsgrove Artrix
- 20:00~22:00
- £14 (£12 concs)
Thu 14 Nov 2013
- Liverpool Slaughterhouse
- 20:00~22:00
- £12 (£10 concs)
Fri 15 Nov 2013
- Southend Palace Theatre
- 20:00~22:00
- £16.50
Sat 23 Nov 2013
- Morecambe Platform
- 20:00~22:00
- £14 (£12 concs)
Fri 29 Nov 2013
- Hal Cruttenden: Tough Luvvie
- Colchester Arts Centre
- 20:30
- £14 (£12 concs)
Sat 30 Nov 2013
- Hal Cruttenden: Tough Luvvie
- Dorking Halls
- 20:00
- £15
Represented by
Christian Knowles
CKP
6 Lordship Lane
East Dulwich
SE22 8HN
Office: 020 8693 1800


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Older Comments
Russell - 26/04/2020
One of the best comedians I have seen since going to live comedy gigs. Really brightened up an otherwise fairly miserable Leeds Thursday
SAM - 02/11/2010
Saw Hal on Thursday at Kill for a Seat Llangollen. Funny as a funny thing! Something very endearing about this guy, the audience loved him. I wish the other bloke had been anywhere near as good!
Lauren - 11/11/2009
Saw Hal for the first time at Rob Brydon's show last night in Bournemouth... fantastic comedy and delivered brilliantly, would definitely pay to see this guy :o)
Elaine Griffiths - 20/09/2009
Ashamed to say I had never heard of this guy before last night when I saw him as Rob Brydon's support in Oxford. He was really refreshing and very funny. And oh how it gladdened my heart when he put that old 'Political correctness gone mad' chestnut where it belongs!
Michael Monkhouse - 04/07/2008
I've been reviewing stand-up for years, and believe me Hal's as good as they get. Effortlessly in control, easelessly silly, endlessly banging out the gags... More please!
Chris - 05/02/2008
Hal compared the World Stands Up last night. He was nearly the best act of the night. Some great quickfire gags
Steven Saunders - 28/03/2007
Saw only 5 mins on The World Stands Up but it was brilliant... very funny! Especially the parts about when his kids grow up.
Kevin Jackson - 16/01/2007
Seen Hal twice now. At two very different audiences. He was great both times. Same material at both shows however, but that fact that it worked with two very different audiences is a testament to the "if it ain't broke..." theory.Love his material based on him sounding like Tony Blair!
Robert Melia - 19/09/2006
Saw him at Comedy Store Manchester and he was definitely the best on show. Its the energy he puts into his display that got me. He was heckled for being fat by some stupid fat cow in the front row and as quick as a flash he quipped " I'd keep my mouth closed if I was you. Might help you lose that weight!" Highly recommended.
Alex - 17/06/2006
Seen Hal before, and last night had the pleasure of seeing him at a very small, intimate gig in Cambridge. Undoubted highlight of the show. I hope the small crowd doesn't put him off as I would pay money to see this guy anytime.
Shanta - 29/05/2006
Really funny guy, original and better than other male, white middle class comedians with no distinguishing features - especially his Alexander the Great skit
KP - 06/02/2006
Seen him three times now, most recently supporting Omid Djalili - excellent! I think he'll go from strength to strength.
Chris Hopkins - 14/10/2005
This man is pure class.. last act of the evening after some average performers and he was awesome. This bloke is a star in the making
- 05/09/2005
Saw Hal in Edinburgh 05. Very funny and refreshingly honest. Some comedians pretend to have all the answers to the world's problems not Hal. If you want to laugh for half an hour catch Hal's act
Ceclia - 17/05/2005
My favourite stand up comedian at the moment. Sublime observations, great Tony Blair material, just fantastic. A master at moulding the ridiculous into the political
Louisa - 16/05/2005
I found this guy to be absolutely hilarious! Laughed the whole way through his act, including his vocal resemblence to Tony Blair. Would recommend seeing this guy to anyone who wants a really good laugh.
Stanley Moon - 09/04/2005
I have seen Hal a few times, and he has always been consistantly good, and has had the crowd roaring.
Matt Price - 06/04/2005
I've seen him many times now in Cardiff and he is top notch. I don't like posh people and their la-de-da pals either, but Hal Cruttenden is a very clever, funny and talented performer who appears to give his all every time I've seen him. He can write and perform as good as anyone out there. In short, an excellent comic.
George Spigott - 24/03/2005
This bloke is total shit. He may be funny in London with all his la-de-da pals watching, but put him in a club anywhere outside and he's rubbish
Andy - 06/03/2005
Hal is brilliant. To say it's formulaic does less than no justice to just how cleverly constructed his jokes are. He employs both the set piece gags and the observational in a way that is nothing short of sumptuous. The 'formula' for comedy is making people laugh. Hal does it superbly
Louisa West - 31/01/2005
OK so may not be the most cutting edge of comedians, but sometimes I don't want to have to think, sometimes I just want to laugh - and laugh I did. Until I ached. He was fantastic.
Bentley - 29/08/2004
His skill as a performer and the superb quality of his material make him a must-see comic. One of the top five performances I have witnesed in the last three years.
- 31/07/2004
What an incredible genius of a comedian is Hal Cruttenden, whom I have had the pleasure of watching from his first gig. His witty and sharply accurate take on politics, life and the stress and strain of being a middle-class, Straight (allbeit a little girlie in voice) white father really hits the mark. I know that he will go on to great things. Best of luck, cap'n
Olie - 31/05/2004
Very funny guy. Sharp political comments and even impressions. He is also very happy to mock himself which I always appreciate. Best act of the night by many many miles.
Bailey - 10/05/2004
I didn't see the resemblance between him and Tony Blair till he mentioned it but some very interesting political views shared.
Uah Needashet - 01/05/2004
The guy is fantastic. Won't be long before he's on television regularly
Paul - 19/04/2004
Very good indeed. Nice laid back style which hid the sharpness of some of his one-liners. Recommended.
Rose - 11/04/2004
My God, he's so tedious. I've heard it all before, both a thousand times before and a thousand times better. That wimpy 'I'm so nice' persona dosn't wash either. He is competent and I mean that as an insult.
Sue - 14/02/2004
Saw him recently in Exeter, and he was the funniest bloke I'd seen in a long time,had the crowd in the palm of his hand, absolutely brilliant.