Tina C: Tick My Box

Note: This review is from 2008

Review by Steve Bennett

The smalltown gal turned glittery country singer from Open Throat Holler, Tennessee, begins her show outside of the Udderbelly cow. Running for the US presidency, Tina C is escorted to the big purple cow by security and her entourage of cowboys and girls, ready to take the bullet in case of assassination attempt.

The sense of occasion is set from the beginning with her cowpoke retinue, the Tumbleweeds, proving they can dance as well as they can protest, do-si-do-ing before Tina steps out in vertiginous stilettos, elevating her physically to the giant of a woman she is in spirit.

Having obviously taken tips from Hilary Clinton’s stylist, Tina is sporting a subtle, sequinned three-piece suit with a pastel stars and stripes pattern. And of course the skirt is short to reveal those legendary pins. If John Kerry had had legs like those, we wouldn’t have had to put up with a second term of the chimp in office.

As Tina reveals her presidential campaign she also lets the towel of respectability slip to display a cheeky glimpse of her continuing love of the double entendre – many a political speech would benefit from including a few. Her campaign slogan is Tick My Box, having discarded ‘punch my hole’ for being too crude.

She kicks off with the song Becoming America, literally becomes the Land Of The Free, with Alaska on her ass (how many candidates would go that far?). She is inspiring to others – you, too, can achieve if you are, ‘born pretty, talented and American’. She has a rejoinder to rivals who point out that Tina C is an anagram of I Can’t. Plus there’s the honest confessional directed at her husband should he develop Alzheimer’s, entitled, I Love You But Not Enough To Wipe Your Ass.

During the Q&A the voters are reticent. Indeed, the midweek crowd was generally quiet throughout. But they were roused by the penultimate tune and its balloon-waving triumphalism.

Just when we thought it was all over Tina returned to the stage for a genuinely moving rendition of Prince’s Purple Rain to help advocate her third way of politics.

It’s good to see that she has put behind her the vicious rumours – presumably spread about by the opposition - that she is really a man called Chris.

Quite brilliant, and surely a winner.

Reviewed by: Marissa Burgess

Review date: 1 Jan 2008
Reviewed by: Steve Bennett

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