'I'm going to take a long hard look at myself' | The Big Ask: What will you do on your day off?

'I'm going to take a long hard look at myself'

The Big Ask: What will you do on your day off?

Mushrooms Jez Watts, #1 Comedy Great Fun Best Show, The Three Sisters, 17:15

Google alternative careers Lola & Jo, Focus Groupies, Underbelly (Delhi Belly), 16:00

I'd like to take a successful stroll up to Arthur's Seat because last time I was in Edinburgh I thought I'd climbed it, only to realise I'd climbed an adjacent hill. This became apparent, not because I was the only person there, but because when I summited I could see a much larger hill behind it. Bryony Twydle, Flamingo, Underbelly Med Quad, 20:30

Find a mirror and a chair and a have a long hard look at myself. William Andrews, Willy, Pleasance Courtyard Bunker One, 16:45

I plan to climb into a tree, and into the nearest birds' nest. There, cuckoo-like, I will displace the newly-born chicks by taking all the worms and grubs at feeding-time. At the end of the day, I will have grown strong enough to fall out of the branch and learn to fly before I hit the ground. Then I will go and do my show for the rest of the Fringe. But I rarely get round to doing the things I want to do on my day off. Luke Rollason, Luke Rollason's Planet Earth, Monkey Barrel Comedy Club, 14:30

Go to Pitlochrie, hang out at a friend's folk club, go for a walk and drink scotch straight from the udders of the mountain. Charmian Hughes, Bra Trek, Counting House Atti, 15:35

I always make a load of plans but never actually do anything, I only saw 4 shows all fringe last year as I get really lazy. Darren Harriott, Visceral, Pleasance: Beneath, 21:30

I *plan* to rewrite my tired and flagging material. Instead I wank until it hurts my cock to do so. Will Dalrymple, Pity Laughs: A Tale Of Two Gays, Just Up The Stairs @ Just The Tonic, 16:05

It's my wife's birthday so I'm taking her to the zoo and then to a posh eatery for dinner. Garrett Millerick, Sunflower, Tron, 17:00

Drive to the place from the end of Skyfall where he has the showdown in the house and M dies (sorry, spoilers). Is that place real? Eli Matthewson, The Year of Magical Fucking, Wee Coo, Underbelly, 21:20

I'm going to go to Romania. It's the best place if you want to book a rest. Darren Walsh, Massive Punt, Just The Tonic: Little Kirk, 18:00

I'm going to get a spray tan. I've tried dyeing my legs with gradual tanner but I can't get the shade right. I look like the unlikely lovechild of Gwyneth Paltrow and David Dickinson. Mummy from the waist up, Daddy D down below. Sam Fraser, Stand Up, Weather Girl!, Counting House, 19:45

My brother is selfishly getting married. So I've got to go to that, apparently. Lloyd Langford, Why The Big Face?, Banshee Labyrinth Cinema Room, 22:00

I'm going to Glasgow to see my pregnant wife. What I love so much about her is how admirably she conceals her disappointment when she sees my bucket takings. Nathan Lang, The Stuntman, Just The Tonic @ The Caves, 14:45

Edinburgh Zoo Penguin Parade. It's just the best. The penguins looks so proud to be parading, they're all like "whyyyy hellllllllo, thanks for coming out guys, you're a real good crowd." Whilst I'm there I pay my respects to Nils Olav, a penguin who is legally in the Norwegian army and now ranking at Colonel-in-Chief. If we went to war during August I would immediately enlist into his platoon (is that what they're called) and we'd do lots of black ops stuff. One day they'd make a film about it and I'd be played by the modern equivalent of Dwayne the Rock Johnson. I assume on the last day of the war I'm shot and die cradled in Nils wings as he vows vengeance for me, his greatest friend. Matthew Highton, Insufficient Memory, Heroes at Dragonfly, 20:40

It's my wedding anniversary so I'm going home. Lee Kyle, Kicking Potatoes Into The Sea, City Cafe, 10:20

Embracing nature and perfecting a vegan meringue. Joe Sutherland, Toxic, Underbelly: Dexter, 20:10

In this exact order, sleep, 9 holes of golf, bath, sleep, watch a movie, bath, sleep, 9 holes of golf, regret playing 9 holes again, sleep. Daniel Connell, Mr Personality 1988, Gilded Balloon, 21:00

I'm flying home to Birmingham! It's not that I want to get as far from the Fringe as possible....It's the first August since my son was born and my day off is the only day I'll see him during the run. I'll get the first flight out and then fly back the next day ready for the show. Ben Hanlin, 50, Pleasance, King Dome, 19:00

Spend time with girlfriend and daughter (not in a Woody Allen way). Charlie Partridge, I Can Make You Feel Good. By Comparison, Just The Tonic at The Caves, 16:50

Published: 12 Aug 2018

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