Edinburgh comedians hit back

A friend of mine was once referred to as 'Benedict Cumberbatch's lesbian sister’.
Elissa Churchill, Newsrevue, Pleasance Courtyard, 18:30

That I am ‘Sarah Millican for the next generation.’ She is a year older than me.
Angela Barnes: Fortitude, Pleasance Beside, 19:15

I once read a review that said, ‘this stand up show makes such strong points that it didn't need punchlines or jokes’ #classicedinburgh
Danny O'Brien: RaconTour, Underbelly Cowgate 22:20

Last year someone wrote that my fingers were so long that is was distracting. They then spent a whole paragraph explaining that if I didn't make it as a stand-up then I could have a successful career as a piano player given my finger length. Steve Bugeja: Summer Camp, Just The Tonic @ The Tron, 17:00

I was described as a 'depressed Peter Kay'. Beyond being fat and having a Northern accent, I don't see the resemblance.
John Porter: Five Years Time, Laughing Horse @ The Counting House, 11:00

That I was a "tall comedian". I'm 5 11 on a good day.
The One and Only Chris Martin, The Pear Tree 14:45

I got a review last year that said I was ‘genuinely hilarious, but ultimately forgettable.’ I've spent the subsequent nine months just randomly screaming "HOW CAN I BOTH OF THOSE SAME THINGS AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME?!!" (I've put the first half of the quote on my poster for this year... because I'm crafty like that. Or desperate.)
Micky Bartlett: Typical, Gilded Balloon, 17:15

We once got a review for an old sketch show we were in whereby the reviewer had clearly NEVER seen sketch comedy before. It was genuinely just a description of the genre, and included the line: ‘This show is almost like a series of comedy vignettes, unlinked, which are broken up by bursts of music or sound effects.' We sort of loved it.
Great British Mysteries?, Pleasance Courtyard, 15:30

‘If Tom Ballard wasn’t a homosexual he’d be rendered mute.’
Tom Ballard: Problematic, Pleasance Courtyard, 20:30

Last year The Skinny called us a 'Dutch clowning duo' even though Viggo is Norwegian and Zach is American. The Scotsman also called Zach a 'small, curly haired American' but he's 6ft and has dirty blonde hair. They also said we were dressed in 'blue and red' which is incorrect. Funny thing is, that reviewer saw our show twice.
Zach & Viggo: Dream Team, Underbelly Cowgate, 21:30

One prick wrote: ‘He [me] still gets emotional even though he must do this bit every day'. Er... It's called performing dickhead.
Tez Ilyas: Teztify, Pleasance Courtyard, 20:30

I was once reviewed as ‘the sexiest alien killing robot at the festival’
Samantha Baines: 1 Woman, a High-Flyer and a Flat Bottom, Pleasance Courtyard, 15:30

‘The Cockney kid from Croydon’ is how one reviewer introduced me in an article.
Elliot Steel, Near Life Experience, Gilded Balloon. 20:15

I did a joke about 9/11 and it was called endearing. How can anything about that be endearing?
Erich McElroy Tops Trump, Laughing Horse @ Espionage, 15:45.

The review of Marcel Lucont that didn't realise he was a character was the funniest thing I have ever seen at the Fringe. 5*
Will Duggan: Perspicuator, Just The Tonic At The Mash House, 17:20

'It's the best show I've ever seen' - 3 stars
Edy Hurst: Theme Show, Just the Tonic at the Tron, 11:00

Published: 14 Aug 2017