Revelation from his new autobiography

Billy Connolly has revealed what he wants on his gravestone.

In is new autobiography, Rambling Man: Life on the Road, he describes discussing the issue with his wife Pamela Stephenson. 

He wrote: ‘I’ve always liked graveyards. I like reading the headstones. Lots of them have Bob Dylan’s line "Forever Young" written on them. Pish. We’re not forever young. We’re forever decomposing. "Forever Dead" would be more fitting. 

‘There’s a lot of hogwash: "Asleep". I don’t think so. Dead, methinks. And some are funny and savage. "Stick your nose here and I’ll set about you". 

‘I was thinking I’d like: "Jesus Christ, is that the time already?" on mine, but my wife Pamela was shaky about it, so we settled on "You’re standing on my balls!" in tiny wee writing.

Connolly also mocks misguided reports of his ‘demise’ in an extract from the book published by the Daily Telegraph.

The comedian, who was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease in 2013, writes: ‘There was a week a few years ago where on Monday I got hearing aids, Tuesday I got pills for heartburn, and Wednesday I received news that I had prostate cancer and Parkinson’s disease. But despite all that, I never ever felt close to dying.’

He retired from stand-up five years after being diagnosed.

Rambling Man: Life on the Road by Billy Connolly is available from Amazon, priced £12.50 in hardback or £8.99 on Kindle. Bizarrely, the retailer says it's the No1 bestseller in the category 'opera singer biographies' ... ahead of Ross Kemp, Barbara Windsor, Alexander The Great and Stewart Lee.

It is also available from bookshop.org which supports independent bookstores, below

Published: 12 Oct 2023