Tweets of the week

Tweets of the week

Do kangaroos have a famously shit judiciary system?

— Laura Lexx (@lauralexx) June 15, 2023

Boris Johnson would have been suspended for 90 days, but with time off for good behaviour that would have been reduced to 100 days.

— Matt Green (@mattgreencomedy) June 15, 2023

People are getting excited about this report finally getting Johnson when he’s no longer PM. It’s like cheering the take down of Godzilla after Tokyo is already sandwich paste.

— Tiernan Douieb (@TiernanDouieb) June 15, 2023

‘Knighted by Johnson’ has the same prestige as a blue tick now

— Darren Walsh Puns (@DarrenWalshPuns) June 16, 2023

I encourage everyone to post a Father's Day card to Boris Johnson with the message: "Hi Dad! I've only just found out. So excited. You'll be hearing from my lawyers soon."

— paul bassett davies (@thewritertype) June 14, 2023

Just found out the wasp I killed yesterday was a wasp cop who was too old for this shit and only one week away from retirement. Feel awful.

— Jason (@NickMotown) June 15, 2023

The price of fuel at this petrol station is SO low that it’s making me quite emotional. I’m filling up here

— Sanjeev Kohli (@govindajeggy) June 13, 2023

confuse people behind you at a cashpoint machine by walking away counting a stack of cheese singles

— Michael Spicer (@MrMichaelSpicer) June 14, 2023

I'm going to start a brand of nuts called 'May Contain' just for all the free advertising.

— Olaf Falafel (@OFalafel) June 14, 2023

Last week, I saw a job advertised for an expert on Roman numerals.

I sent in 105 copies of my CV.

— Jason (@NickMotown) June 16, 2023

- Are you sure these figures aren't exaggerated?
- Million percent.

— Dudish (@TheRealDudish) June 11, 2023

Published: 16 Jun 2023