A cracker of a joke? | Winners of Gold's festive gag contest revealed

A cracker of a joke?

Winners of Gold's festive gag contest revealed

A pun about Theresa May’s ‘strong and stable’ mantra has won a competition to find the best topical Christmas cracker joke 

Samuel Williams, 35 and from Kent, came up with the line: ‘Why was Theresa May sacked as nativity manager? She couldn't run a stable government.’

It won him £1,500 towards the cost of a holiday in the contest, run via Twitter by the Gold TV channel.

The top six jokes were included within bespoke boxes of crackers, which were presented to this year's winners.

The other five were:

  • Why don't Southern Rail train guards share Advent Calendars? They want to open the doors themselves.
  • What's the difference between Ryanair and Santa? Santa flies at least once a year.
  • Kim Jong Un will play Santa this year in the South's annual pantomime. He said he fancied a Korea change.
  • Why did Donald Trump continuously decorate the Christmas tree? Because people kept saying 'moron' to him.
  • Why was the planned Ryanair TV documentary scrapped? They were unable to air a pilot.

However, those who entered hoping for glory might be disappointed – as the writers of the other jokes were not credited on the press release, nor the websites of Gold nor comedy critic Bruce Dessau, who judged the competition.

But the writers of the rest of the top ten were credited via Gold’s Twitter feed: Daniel Page, Alfred Noakes, David Lawrence (twice), Richard Woolford, Anna King-Jackson, Matt King, Reece Bowen, The Age Of Enlightenment.

Dessau praised the ‘inspired’ jokes saying: ‘In a world that seems to have turned upside down in recent years, there is something wonderfully reassuring about the fact that people have still retained their sense of humour.’

The other jokes in Gold’s top 20 are: 

  • Which TV Christmas special is being filmed in Brussels this year? Deal Or No Deal.
  • Theresa May has asked Santa for a home makeover this year. First thing on the list was a new Cabinet.
  • What did Bruce Forsyth say when the Christmas pheasant repeated on him? 'Good game, good game'.
  • Why did Jeremy Corbyn ask people not to eat sprouts on Christmas day? He wants to give peas a chance.
  • Which supermarket did best in the Holy Land? Oh Lidl, crown of Bethlehem.
  •  Why did the Irishman put Khloe, Kim and Kourtney Kardashian in his living room at Xmas? He wanted an artificial tree.
  • Where does Jeremy Corbyn hang his Christmas stocking? On the far left.
  • Why are there only 11 days of Christmas this year? Because the Three French Hens got stuck at border control.
  • Why was Theresa May asked to play the donkey in this year's Nativity? They needed someone who was a little horse.
  • How do you ruin Stormzy's Christmas? Criticise his wrapping.
  • What's Donald Trump's favourite flavour Quality Street? Covfefe Cream.
  • What keeps Spain from buying Christmas socks that match? Matalan separatists.
  • The Queen's Christmas message has been cancelled this year as there's no more Monarch.
  • What's the difference between David Davis and Santa Claus? Santa always delivers.

Published: 12 Dec 2017

What do you think?

We see you are using AdBlocker software. Chortle relies on advertisers to fund this website so it’s free for you, so we would ask that you disable it for this site. Our ads are non-intrusive and relevant. Help keep Chortle viable.