WTF: Weekly Trivia File

• 'So I've got Parkinson's disease. I wish he'd fucking hept it.' Billy Connolly

• The Friends reunion the NBC network trumpeted this week isn't quite what it seems. Executives already admitted not all six stars might be in the same room at the same time… and now it's emerged that Matthew Perry won't even be in the same country. He'll be in the UK for his play The End Of Longing. He admits to Graham Norton on his talk show tonight: 'It's not the reunion everyone is hoping for – they are celebrating Jim Burrows who was a director of Friends.  The other five are going to be on this special and I am going to introduce them from London.  I'm doing the play here so I can't be there.'

• Still, the 'reunion' has captured everyone's imagination, with every corner of media looking for their own angle. So we turn to Footwear News: 'To celebrate the upcoming rendevouz [sic]… we've compiled a list of footwear inspired by some famous on-screen moments…'

• Sticking with shoes; Kevin Hart has become the first comedian to have his own brand of Nike trainers. He unveiled the Hustle Hart's cross-training shoe on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon, saying: 'I want to inspire people and motivate people to become the best versions of themselves possible through physical fitness.' He has quotes such as 'health is wealth' stitched into the design, which appears when photographed with a flash.  'I love Nike,' he said.

• How Aussie is this? Adam Hills has stuck his finger in a crocodile's bottom. It was while in the Outback  filming for the forthcoming  The Last Leg Down Under special, when a ranger asked him if he wanted to sex a croc that had been caught in a trap. 'I volunteered, and was duly told you have to stick your finger up its arse. So I did,' he said. 'Later when we pulled a three and a half metre croc out of a river, I had to do it again. If you're wondering, the first one was female, the second one was a male. And no, neither of them have kept in touch.'

• So West Brom are the Frankie Boyle of football… at least according to this article about 'if every Premier League club was a comedian'.

• A British comedian living in Paris has scored a major viral hit with a video bemoaning the French tradition of greeting people with kisses. The four-minute video, shot in one ambitious take, has attracted more than 1.4million views in two weeks. Taylor calls the tradition, called La Bise, 'one of the most annoying things' about living in France. Let's give him a few more views:

• It seems Bernie Clifton wasn't the only old comic to impress The Voice judges. Bill Oddie revealed on Twitter that he, too, was invited to audition for the singing talent show. His solo audition was enough to get him asked back, but the Funky Gibbon creator said he 'chickened out'.

• Comedian Jimmy Morales was yesterday sworn in as president of Guatamala.

Tweets of the week

Carving you & your partner's initials into a tree is a romantic way of still not justifying why you've brought a knife on a date.

— Ben (@0point5twins) January 12, 2016

I'll always remember the last thing my grandfather said to me: "Are you sure it's the green wire?"

— James Martin (@Pundamentalism) January 15, 2016

…and an old one, but pertinent:

Diamonds are a girl's best friend. Dogs are a man's best friend. Everyone's best friend should be the 1974 David Bowie album "Diamond Dogs"

— Paul Savage (@comedysavage) June 20, 2014

Published: 15 Jan 2016