'Jimmy Savile wanted me to lick his custard'

WTF: Weekly Trivia File

  • ‘Comedy is not a nice business and it’s not got nice people in it. Really, genuinely nice people don’t go into comedy.’ The Scotsman’s comedy reviewer Kate Copstick.

  • Comic Adam Hess has recounted a strange encounter he had with  Jimmy Savile when he was a 13-year-old boy. Hess recalled being on a cruise holiday, ‘when this man just came up to us with a bowl of custard. He said, “Would you like some of this?” and he put his finger in the custard. I didn’t have a clue who he was but was told it was Jimmy Savile, the TV star.’ At the Dancing About Architecture talk show at Dave’s Leicester Comedy Festival last weekend, Hess also recalled a creepy comment Savile made to his dad when he spotted the two of them walking on deck. ‘Careful, you’re not done for underage,’ the DJ said to Hess Sr. Yuk.

  • On the same panel, Markus Birdman revealed he once did warm-up for a Jimmy Savile show, and said that the late paedophle was the consummate professional. ‘Paul Daniels, on the other hand, was a cunt,’ he added.

  • The quote at the top of this week’s column comes from John Fleming’s blog, which also this week recalls the story of performance fartist Mr Methane appearing on Frank Skinner’s chat show in the Nineties, when he provided the, erm, wind section, for Skinner singing Da Doo Ron Ron. The clips never aired though, due to BBC cold feet about taste. And when they tried to include it in a DVD of outtakes, they were hit by legal action from producer Phil Spector, who was not amused. But never mind the story, here’s the clip:

  • Here’s a salutary tale for would-be hecklers... A bar called Mr Heads in Tucson, Arizona, holds an open mic night on its front terrace, the only drawback being that people passing in the street can hear the show – and interact with it. This week a would-be comic called Graham VanBach was performing there, where he starts getting grief from a gang of about five frat kids. Naturally enough, he starts slinging insults back at them. Then they try to get into the bar, but the bouncer turns them back, whereupon one of the lads tries to climb over the metal railings separating the terrace from the street. In the ensuring grapple with the bouncer, the kid impales himself on the spike. Writing on US comedy website Laughspin – with pictures that show the bloody aftermath – VanBach describes the agonising moment when the injury happened: ‘The spike on the top of the fence catches the inside of his bicep, and pierces through the skin. Everyone basically says “Oh fuck”.and the bouncer lets go. Now the spike slides along the bone into the forearm. So, now this kid is just hanging there by his skin with a spike in his arm. He wasn’t yelling; he wasn’t moaning. By the looks of it, it didn’t even feel pain. Just shock. ‘ The bouncer then lifted him off the spike and applied a tourniquet before the heckler’s wounds were treated. VanBach added: ‘To all hecklers of the world: Karma will fuck you– sometimes in the arm.’ fest episode of the show went out exactly 25 years ago today.

  • After Bruce Willis’s awkward interview on The One Show, Omid Djalili reveals that he was equally distracted at a press conference for the 2006 animated film Over The Hedge, which they both provided voices for. ‘He drew pics of boobies & vag entire time,’ Djalili tweeted.

  • John Bishop is nursing his wounds after Liverpool footballing legend Robbie Fowler kicked a ball hard in his face. The pair took part in a charity penalty shootout at half-time in the club’s clash with West Brom. But because the charity was Seeing Is Believing, which tackles Third World blindess, Fowler donned a blindfold... with painful consquences for Bishop:

  • Norman Lovett got his break on Red Dwarf only because of his ‘own sense of ego’. Originally the role of Holly the computer was just to be in voiceover, but Lovett suggested to producers that they use his disembodied head, and they agreed... making him instantly recognisable to the show’s millions of viewers. Incidentally, the

  • Tweets of the week
    Periwinjle Jones(@ peachesanscream): Ugly guys are like knees - I always seem to end up banging them on table when I'm drunk.
    Bill Dare (@ Bill_Dare): The big hand abused the little hand. I take responsibility because it happened  on my watch.
    Adam Kay (@ amateuradam): Tough day. Just had to tell my screenplay he's adapted :-(

    Published: 15 Feb 2013

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